On my way back
by Vabhout
Summary: Rose was captured almost three years ago by strigoi when the queen was attacked. Everyone assumed she was dead. When Rose, bloody and bruised with bite marks all over her body appears at the gates of court everybody is overfilled with joy of having her back. But when they see her and realise that she isn't the same girl from three years ago, they don't feel so happy anymore.
1. Rosemarie Hathaway

Rose was captured almost three years ago by strigoi when the queen was attacked. Everyone assumed she was dead. When Rose, bloody and bruised with bite marks all over her body appears at the gates of court everybody is overfilled with joy of having her back. But when they see her and realise that she isn't the same girl from three years ago, they don't feel so happy anymore

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters.

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter one: Rosemarie Hathaway

I'm walking, but it is barely. Every part of my body hurts and it's just my mental power that keeps me going. I don't know for how long I've been going, one hour, two hours maybe? Soon I won't be able to go any further, my energy's up. The gravel path underneath me is killing my feet, it feels like I'm walking on glass. I'm going to have red feet's for days when this escape is over. That is if I manage to survive long enough to get help. My bruised body is losing too much blood and in this pace I will be dead within an hour. But I need to go back to safety, no, I have to go back to safety, there is no other option. I don't want to be captured again, I can't. I can't go back to the dark room. The cold, the hunger, the loneliness. I'm panicking just from the thought of it.

Then I see the most beautiful sight in the world. I would cry if my body had any liquid to spare for the happiest tears I would have cried in my life. Even if there probably is two hundred meters left to the familiar gates of Court, it feels as nothing. For almost three years all my dreams have consisted of this exact moment. In so many scenarios I've reached the gates of court just to be waken up from the dream by the monsters that held me captive. In short words, that was all my days consisted of. Have a dream, wake up, another session with them and go back to the little sleep I could get. And so the cycle starts over. Over and over and over and over it went. But not anymore, never again. I'm free and I'm never coming back there.

I'm free. I'm free. I'm free. That's all my mind can think of as I'm coming closer to my goal.

Of course when I reach the lights from the sentry, I fall over my own feet's and I'm not able to rise again. I just lie there in a growing pool of my own blood from the wound in my side. All I can do is lie there and watch the stars as they shine on the night sky. If I die here and now, at least I would die with a beautiful sight still in my mind. The only more beautiful sight I could think of is the one with all my friends' ensemble in one place to say goodbye to me. To support me as I'm falling into darkness. And he would be there, he would be there to take my hand and tell me that everything would be alright even if he knows that I will leave him in a short time. And that would be okay, cause at least I would see him before I leave and just the sight of him would make the path to wherever I'm going next more endurable.

But it turns out they whoever is up there has other plans for me.

"Who's there?" I don't know who spoke but it doesn't matter, it's not anyone who will hurt me or take me back to that place. Whoever it is has an voice of an angel. An angels sent from the heavens to save me.

"I said, who's there?" The voice repeats again with a little more fire in his angelic voice.

I hear the sound of footstep approaching and it's the most wonderful sound in the world, apart from his voice. My lips manage to mumble my name but not with enough strange. And I know I have to say my name so loud that the guardian can hear my cause I don't think even my closest friend will recognize me in this shape. My hair is all over the place and dried blood covers almost every part of my exposed skin covering the blood marks. With every uns of purer I have left I manage to say my name so loud that the guardians ear, that's now right over my mouth as he no longer considers me a threat, can catch it.

"Rosemarie Hathaway"

The last thing I manage to see before everything turns black I the look of surprise on the guardians face. Then I pass out.

 **AN:** Before I say something else I must get some things out of the way, which will probably makes it easier to understand my writing.

1\. English isn't my first language. Therefore I don't speak it fluently and have to think twice before I write anything down. I could probably have a normal conversation with someone who is fluent I English, but as I said in the beginning, it isn't my first language. The consequences will therefore be some grammar misses and the wrong use of expressions.

2\. This is my first attempt to write a fanfic so it will probably take a few chapters to get the hang of it.

So please bear with me in the beginning since I love to write and would love to share my story and see if it works. If you think it works please let me know and I'll do my best to continue. Please tell me if I've missed something or wrote something wrong.

Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)

Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!


	2. Taken away

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 2: Taken away

 _Almost three years earlier_

Rose point of view (RPOV)

I'm feeling happy and relaxed, so relaxed you now can feel as a guardian. I'm not saying that I'm not on my guard and taking in my surroundings because I am, but just for once I'm pretty relaxed and can fully enjoy this car ride with my friends while I'm still on duty. The risk of any strigoi attacking us while Dimitri is driving the car at this speed is low.

I'm sitting in the back with Lissa and Christian and regretting that I didn't take Dimitris offer on driving the way back to Court. But at the time it seemed like a good idea to be able and sit in the back, watching him while he was driving. I didn't think about how Lissa's thoughts would affect me more when I don't have anything to distract my mind with. If I would be driving, at least I would be able to concentrate on the road. It doesn't help that she and Christian decided to be an extra cute and loving couple today. Lissa's thoughts and emotions are almost enough to drag me inside of her mind but I manage to resist. Some days the bond almost gets too much since I haven't had the chance to adjust back to how it was in school.

About two weeks ago we were attacked by a few strigoi when we were traveling from court to attend a meeting with some royals I don't remember the names of. The important was that we were attacked and Dimitri took Lissa and Christian to safety as I fended off the strigoi. The thing was that it was an ancient strigoi and I hadn't slept for thirty six hours thanks to guardian schedule and my insistence on joining that trip. He killed me and after Dimitri staked him, Lissa healed me, and we were back to where we began all those years ago. If Dorothea, Lissa's other guardian, had been there with us maybe it would have been another outcome. But as a guardian we can't think of "what if" scenarios. We only think of what happened.

"Please Liss" I exclaim when I can't stand it anymore." You're almost pulling me in!"

I probably shouldn't have shouted so high, but I couldn't help it. I needed to stop it somehow. But judging from the looks on Dimitri's and Dorothea's I really shouldn't have done it. Everyone is now on full alert. But they don't have right to tell me I'm wrong it's not like they can see, feel and sense everything that's going on inside of your best friends head. Sometimes I wish I couldn't do that either and sometimes I feel very lucky to have the ability. Is Lissa suddenly gets kidnapped it comes very handy.

"Sorry, but please can you try to block me out or something, or just don't feel the way you're feeling?" I ask knowing they can't do what I'm asking for.

"Are we a little jealous here Rosie?" Christian asks with a tone that I know is meant to annoy me and I get a little bit angry when it's actually working.

"In your dreams Sparky" I reply with the same tone, but it dies in the end when I see Dimitri tens and lock his eyes on something ahead of us.

I instantly copy his movements but relax a bit when I see what it is.

In the middle of the road stands a snowman with an orange carrot, a red scarf and two black buttons as eyes.

"Please Comrade, don't tell me that the great Dimitri Belikov is afraid of an unfinished snowman" I have to try really hard not to laugh too hard so I can continue. "I always knew I would figure out your biggest fear sometime but I thought it would be something silly as spiders as that would outweigh the fact that you can do everything else, I'm not saying that a snowman isn't silly because it might be better than the spiders."

At that comment Christian can't hold it anymore and begins to laugh out loud while Lissa has enough self-control to just smile at me. I can even see the corner of Dimitris mouth begin to rise to a half smile before he opens his mouth.

"I'm not afraid of a snowman Roza, I'm concerned over the fact that we have to get out of the car to get it away since it's so big that we can't move around it with all the snow on the roads sides."

"Oh, now I see" I replied, still with humour in my voice. "But I can go out and remove it if you're so scared of the big bad snowman"

With the sound of Christians laugh over us we decided that Dimitri and I would go outside to remove the snowman while Dorothea would stay in the car. As soon as we step out we become serious and all signs of a joking atmosphere disappears. We are in full guardian mode since we know strigoi very often lurks at these roads.

Even with our dhampir sight it's hard to see inside the dark of the woods. It's a strange contrast between the pure white snow and the hollow darkness. If I had my phone with me and we weren't in the middle of removing a snowman from a lonely and scary road I would ask Lissa to take a picture with Dimitri, me and this background. It resembles Dimitris and mine relationship. We're so different and still so close and so alike. It would be a beautiful picture.

When Dimitri and I only have a short walk left to the snowman it explodes. Snow goes everywhere as a tall man, almost as tall as Dimitri, jumps out of it. The first thing my dhampir senses notice is the red ring around the man's eyes and the paleness of his skin. A strigoi.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. This was a trap, an ambush and we had walked right into it. Before Dimitri or I had any chance to react probably fifty more strigoi emerged from the shadows of the trees at the roads sides. I guess that was going to ruin the photoshoot I had planned. One of them jerked up the back door to the car and ripped Lissa out.

I could feel her fear from the bond but also the safety of knowing that I would rescue her. Not that I had any idea of how I would do that, but I knew I had to it. I began to run towards the strigoi that held her but I immediately stopped when he began speaking.

"Stop right there or I will snap her neck, understood?"

By this time Christian and Dorothea had climbed out of the car and stood beside us. The strigoi didn't seem interested in them. Christian had a fire ball in his hand and the rest of us had our stakes ready for disposal. In my head I cursed my supervisor for the idea of transporting Lissa, the queen, the royal moroi queen, in only one car with no backup to make the strigoi believe that we were no one important. When we got out of this I would make Lissa fire him and get someone else instead, maybe Dimitri. He surely was well deserved of a promotion. Especially after this.

"What do you want?" I spat in his direction.

"What makes you so sure I want something?" He replied

"Cause if you just wanted her dead you would have killed her by now"

That was true. Strigoi was inpatient so he wouldn't just stand there with her if he wanted her dead. He had a motive that I needed to figure out. But I couldn't think of that right now, I needed an escape plan. We couldn't fight them, they were too many. We couldn't escape, they were too many. They had outnumbered us, and that was their plan of course. We needed to get them down somehow, just so we could escape, that was our only option.

An idea popped into my head, a dangerous idea but what other choose did we have? None. That was the answer. We needed to act. After one last glance at Dimitri I slowly pulled of the ring on my left hand, not the engagement ring but the ring Lissa charmed to hold the darkness away. Dimitri looked confused and his brown, deep eyes that I loved so much told me to stop. But this was our only option. There was no other way. I returned my gaze to the strigoi and said.

"But we're not afraid, we won't hide away from you like from ghosts under our beds"

All I could hope for now was that they would take the hint. And they did. At least Dimitri did. I saw his face lit up with understanding but before he could speak the strigoi raised his voice.

"Well now I think you got it wrong little dhampir" I flinched a little when he unknowingly used Adrian's nickname for me. "It's the monsters under our b…"

But he didn't get any further with his lecture. While he was speaking I had absorbed all of the darkness Lissa had but didn't want to give to me of fear it would be too much. It almost was too much without the ring and since she hadn't healed away the last wave of spirit she had given me. But I managed it. I managed to release my most effective but dangerous weapon against the strigoi. The ghosts. My head exploded in pain as I released all of the darkness inside of me in the form of ghost. It wouldn't be enough to kill all strigoi but we would manage to escape.

But all my energy was up so I couldn't escape by myself. As I fell to the ground I thought that I would just lie there until the ghost went away and then the strigoi would kill me. But I should never have thought those thoughts. Not when Dimitri was by my side. He caught me before my body even touched the ground and carried me to the car.

In the corner of my eye I saw Dorothea take Lissa from the now unconscious strigoi and take her and Christian into the car's safety. At least they would make at home now, I thought just as a hand gripped my shoulder and pulled me out of Dimitri's arms. A strigoi, I guessed but my cloudy mind wasn't in a shape good enough to form any complicated thoughts.

The ghosts must not have been able to take them all down. There had simply been too many of them, the only other time I had done something like that was in Russia and that had been with two strigoi. So I didn't exactly have measurements on how mush darkness I needed to use to get away 50 strigoi. It wasn't like it was something I used to practise on my free time.

Dimitri had his stake ready in his hand and was beginning to launch forward when we both realized something. The ghost was already gone now and the other strigoi was starting to wake up. If they got the chance they would take Lissa again and I couldn't let that happened. She was my moroi, my charge and my mission. The fact that she was the queen just made it more important that she was taken away from here. The only reason Dorothea had stayed was so Dimitri and I could get could get to the car since the strigoi was seeming pretty taken out at the time.

But soon they would wake up and the protocol would force her to drive away without us to save Lissa, to save the queen. I couldn't get to the car but I knew Dimitri could, he had no one to stop him. The only reason he hadn't done that was because of me. He would try to save me if only he had the slightest chance. And he had to live. He couldn't die. The world would be a darker world with no Dimitri. The world could manage without me but not without him, without him it would fall apart. Just like the world had done when he was a strigoi. He must realise this and that he had a chance to get to the car but he stayed anyway. For me.

"Go!" I screamed at him with tears running down my cheeks. "Go to the car! Save them, keep them save. Go!"

He stopped and just stared at me, but he had to move! Now.

"Go!" I screamed again. "I love you, Go"

I saw the tears in his eyes as he looked at me and realized what I was saying. And he understood. Like it always was with us, he understood all I wanted to say by just looking into my eyes. He understood my wishes and that he didn't have much time to decide.

"I love you"

That was all he said, but it was the most powerful words in the world. The tears now streamed free down my cheeks as he turned around and jumped into the car and turned it around to go. I could barely hear Lissa's scream in the car as they drove away.

* * *

 **AN: Please read!** Thank you for all of your comments and follows. They are very mush appreciated :)

Before I leave you to your hopefully nice weekend I have a few questions for you. When I write I have to use some sort of measuring system. In these two chapters I've tried to not write parts with described length in them but it would make it easier if I could. So do you use meter or foot? And do you use miles or kilometres? That sort of thing. And then of course do you use Fahrenheit or Celsius? I understand that all of you use different methods, I use meter, kilometres and Celsius (but I can change it) and I know how irritating it could be to read and don't understand how warm it is or how fast the car is going.

And then for the age limit on this story, or what it is called. Right now it is T rated. But I proceed (I hope that is the right word) from how mush I was able to handle at the "T" age. But if someone disagrees please let me know and I will change it.

I will try to update every second weekend depending on how busy my schedule is. But I prefer to post well worked chapters so it might take longer time to post.

Hopefully I won't have so long author notes in the future.

Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)

Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!


	3. Losing you

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 3: Taken away from me

Almost three years earlier

Dimitris point of view (DPOV)

I hear them laughing and having fun in the back seat. I sometimes forget the age different between Rose and me. She's still young and needs to have fun with her friends in a way only younger people can have. Sometimes she seems so mature, almost like she has lived a whole life before us and knows somethings no one else knows. Like how to be a guardian before even graduating.

But of course, after dying two times in her life, after cheating death two times, after traveling to Russia and finding the impossible cure to darkness you would think she would be a wise woman, and she is.

"Please Liss! You're almost pulling me in" Rose exclaims in the back which makes me and Dorothea look back on instinct. Once our dhampir senses realise that there is no threat to protect the moroi from we relax and turn our heads against the road again.

"Sorry, but please, can you try to block me out or something, or just don't feel the way you're feeling?"

She must realize on her own that what she's asking for is impossible but at the same time I can understand her. It can't be easy, going from bond mates to non-bond mates to bond mates again. Especially since we don't have any records on anything like this happening before. We don't know if there will be any side effects on being shadow kissed twice in a lifetime. Will there be any effects on Rose? On Lissa for being bonded to the same bond mate twice?

Rose actually convinced me to start calling her Lissa, after much talking and some strange Rose logic she got me to do it. And it feels better. More like guarding a friend then the queen. Not that I'm guarding her, I'm guarding Christian but since they are together almost all the time I see her a lot. Which also mean that I get to see Rose a lot at work. Which is a great bonus. I can only hope that Lissa and Christian don't break up in the near future. But that doesn't seem to be happening if you consider the way they were talking to each other in the backseat a moment ago.

"Are we a little jealous here Rosie?" Christian says back with a grin on his face.

"In your dreams Sparky" She replies. But midsentence I tens up from what I see in the middle of the road. There stands a giant snowman so wide that there is no way we can drive around it. Rose notice me tense up and copies my movements. But when she sees what I see she relaxes and begins to laugh.

"Please Comrade, don't tell me that the great Dimitri Belikov is afraid of an unfinished snowman, I always knew I would figure out your biggest fear sometime but I thought it would be something silly as spiders as that would outweigh the fact that you can do everything else, I'm not saying that a snowman isn't silly cause it might be better than the spiders." She continues, laughing so hard she has to hold her stomach.

Christian begins to laugh to so hard that he cries. Lissa only smiles and I feel my own mouth begin to rise.

"I'm not afraid of a snowman Roza, I'm concerned over the fact that we have to get out of the car to get it away since it's so big that we can't move around it with all the snow on the roads sides." I can see in her face that she understand the danger in going outside in the dark. But since she is Rose Hathaway she has to form a reply. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Oh, now I see, but I can go out and remove it if you're so scared of the big bad snowman" I shake my head as Rose and I exit the vehicle to remove the snowman.

We can still hear Christian's laughter as Rose and I seriously search our surroundings for threats, mostly in form of strigoi. If a human murderer would appear out of the woods we wouldn't be in a big danger. Between me, Rose and Dorothea we could easily disarm the human and take care of him. It would be a different matter if a strigoi would appear. It's too dark for my liking and we're too exposed.

We keep scanning our surroundings but as we're only a short walk from the snowman it explodes and snow flies all over the road. Out of the now destroyed snowman a strigoi jumps out. Almost as tall as me with blond hair and blue eyes. Before Rose or I can even react fifty more strigoi runs out of the trees to surround us in a circle. Rose and I just have time to grab our stakes and begin to move forward when one of them runs for our car and rip Lissa out pulling hardly on her arm. Rose begins to run forwards towards Lissa but stop dead in her tracks when the strigoi begins talking.

"Stop right there or I will snap her neck, understood?"

Christian and Dorothea stand by our sides by now, ready to fight with Rose and me. The only thing holding us back is the strigoi's grip around Lissa's throat. I can see the fear in Christians eyes when he realise that Lissa is one second away from having a snapped neck and laying dead on the ground. I can also see the determination in Roses eyes as she looks at the strigoi in front of us. I try to think of a way out of this situation but truth to be told, I can't come up with anything.

"What do you want?" Rose spit in the strigoi's directions.

"What makes you so sure I want something?" He says back with a smile on his face.

"Cause if you just wanted her dead you would have killed her by now"

She made a fair point. A normal strigoi who's only goal would be to kill the queen of the moroi and dhampirs would have killed here by now. He wouldn't just stand there doing nothing and making threats. I can see the wheels turn and twist in Roses head as she's trying to figure out a way to escape this situation. Just as I am, but just as before my mind is blank. They have outnumbered us and we can't just run away.

Suddenly it as if as a light lights up in her mind and she turns to look at me and then back at the strigoi. But in that short second I can see that she has formed a plan, a dangerous plan, a Rose Hathaway plan. I see her reach for her ring on her left hand. The plain silver ring that Lissa charmed to keep her darkness away.

I remember how long it took for Lissa and Rose to decide what Lissa would charm for Rose to wear. No neckless, a strigoi could choke her with it. There was several reports to prove that. No bracelet, it would easily break. No earrings, Rose would lose them or the strigoi would tug at them. At last they decided on a ring because that was the thing that was least in the way.

I plead with my eyes to her to stop. That ring is her biggest block against the ghosts and the maddens. If Rose really wanted to know my biggest fear apart from losing her, it would be to see her consumed by darkness and go mad just rambling on crazier and crazier. The moment in the car after she killed Victor Dashkov, when she was rambling on about the heart was one of the worst in my life.

"But we're not afraid, we won't hide away from you like from ghosts under our beds" She says and then look at me and it seems as if she wants me to understand something.

It only takes a second for my brain to understand the meaning of her words. To make the connection to what she said earlier. "Ghosts under our beds" she said. Ghosts as in her ghost that was only kept away by her ring on her finger witch she took of only a second ago. I want to say how stupid her idea is. How dangerous it is and how big of a chance there is that she might be hurt. Once again I plead to her with my eyes to stop this madness before something happens. But she looks away just in time to see the strigoi speak. I don't get the chance to protest.

"Well now I think you got it wrong little dhampir, It's the monsters under our b..." He doesn't get his chance to finish because Rose releases all of her ghost. I can't see anything of course. The only sign that they are even there is that the strigoi fall to the ground and clutches her head with her hands. But before she crashes to the ground I catch her and lift her up and start running to the car. I can see Dorothea grab Lissa and push her and Christian towards the car. Just as they are climbing inside the car I feel someone grab Rose and pull her from my arms. I'm so surprised since I thought all the strigoi was down. But I guess the ghost couldn't take care of them all. There is only so much Rose can do. I turn around to see the strigoi that held Lissa before now dragging Rose with him while smiling evilly at me. I'm holding my stake ready to launch forward but I stop when I see the strigoi around us stir and begin to wake up.

Soon Dorothea will be forced to drive away to save Lissa and Christian and if I don't move soon Rose and I will be left behind. But Rose has to be with me, I can't leave her here. We both knew that a part of this job included a risk that one or both of us would die or be left in combat to save the moroi but I didn't think that would actually happen. Not after everything we fought through to get her. Me being strigoi. The teacher student relationship, all the thoughts from all the other people of our society. It can't just end here. Not like this. But she must just as me realise that there is no good way out of this situation. No matter how good were at fighting. Not with both of us alive. Either we both die or I make it out of here. But I can't let that happen.

"Go! Go to the car! Save them, keep them save. Go!" She screams at me with tears running down her beautiful face. I feel my own tears begin to rise and fall down my cheeks as I take a last look at the woman I love. The woman I swore to love every day for the rest of our life the night I proposed to her. The woman I always imagined to grow old together with, sitting on our porch with Lissa's and Christian's grandchildren running around playing in front of us. Getting home to after a long day at work and realise that it was all worth it to get to be with her. But I guess our forever only lasted for so long. Maybe this is my punishment for all the innocent life I took as a strigoi. Maybe this is karma coming to get me after all this time. Some of the strigoi begins the rise and I realise I need to make a decision soon.

"Go! I love you, Go"

I realised I needed to keep on Living. Not for me but for her. Because she wouldn't be given the chance to keep on going.

"I love you" was all I said before I took a last glance at the face I would never see again. Then I turn around and run for the car before all the strigoi wake up. I can her Rose crying as I jump in the driver's seat and turn the car around, driving away from her.

Lissa screams at me to turn the car around and rescue her while Christian tries to calm her down with his own tears running down his cheeks. She screams and screams at me and I have to block her out because it's hard enough to concentrate on the road with my blurry vision without her screams. We drive for minutes and the only sound that can be heard is Lissa's screams and the engine of the car. Suddenly she stops screaming for a few seconds just to let out a scream that makes your toes curl in your shoes and gives you Goosebumps all over your skin. I almost drive off the road when I hear it.

"I can't feel her. I can't feel her. I can't feel her" She screams and I push the breaks and stop the car in the middle on the road. Nobody drives this way anyway.

"What do you mean you can't feel her?" I turn around to look at her. Dreading the answer she might give me.

"I can't feel Rose. Normally I can always feel her in the background, like she's always there. But I can't feel her now. I think she's...she's..." She can't continue because the sobs take over her body. But I know what she's trying to say. Dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

She can't be dead. My Rose, my Roza can't be dead. I know what I said before, that I should live for here because she wasn't given the chance. But right now I just feel empty. A life with no Rose is not a life worth living. A world without Rose is not worth existing. I hit the steering wheel with both of my hands. Hard.

One. Two. Three.

She's gone, none existing, away, invincible, out of reach. Whatever you want to call it.

Four. Five. Six

I'm never going to hear her laugh, see her smile or make a joke ever again. Never again am I going to watch her turn the apartment upside down to find a hair tie only to take on of mine in the end.

"NOOOO" I scream on the top of my lungs. When I'm done I'm only met by silence. I feel empty, drained, tired. So, so tired. And I realize something. The only way for me to keep on living without Rose is to honour her last wish. To protect Lissa and Christian. But I can't do that if my feelings take over. I need to be in control, to be focused to succeed in my mission. I let one more tear role down my cheek before I close off. Close off my feelings to complete my mission. I'm going to be the robot guardian the moroi world always dreamed about. Always doing what I'm told. Follow orders and throw my body in front of others to protect. That's going to be my mantra. Focus, orders, protect. Focus, orders, protect.

I start the engine and drive of. To safety for the Queen and Lord Ozera. No feeling. Focus, orders, protect.

"Dimitri?" A small voice in the back seat asks.

"Yes my Queen?" A ask with a monotone voice. I see her flinch but I don't care. No feeling. Focus, order, protect.

"Dimitri, what are you doing? Why are you acting like this?"

"No need to worry, my Queen. Everything will be fine, you're soon safe at court again. You're soon safe"

I see them looking at each other in the back seat, they look slightly panicked but I don't care.

Focus, order, protect.

Focus, order, protect

* * *

 **AN:** I realize that it could be a bit much to repeat the scene all over again but it must lay as a ground for the characters to look back upon in the later chapters. Especially Dimitri.

Thank you for all the review!

If there are any scenes you would like to see between the characters or other stuff, write it down and maybe I'll include it in the story! It would be fun to see what you guys would like to see and think is going too happened. (And maybe it's because I would need a little inspiration ;))

Critiques are welcome as well as your opinions! :)

Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!


	4. Coming back

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Chapter four: Focus, order, protect

 _Present time_

LPOV

I'm on a plane. The private jet, owned by court to make my trips to wherever I'm going take less time. We've only travelled for about one hour and I'm already bored. Normally I would have more patience but not today. It's the day I volunteered to go and do a welcome speech at St. Vladimir's academy. At the time it seemed like a good idea. To welcome the students to another year of learning and training. Encourage them to do their best and try even if it seems hard. That's an advice I should give to myself: do your best even if it seems hard. And it's hard for me, because for many years ago, on just this day, I met Rose at the first day at school when our teacher forced us to spell our name. And for two five year olds we had long names. We always used to celebrate on this date. Even if we just ate a cookie or had a girl's night we always made time for each other on that day. Some years we just passed a note in class but the point is that we always did something. We always noted this day somehow. For three years we have done nothing. Or rather I've done nothing for the past three years.

After Rose got kidnapped. I refuse to say killed even though I know that that was what she were. I've not in any way accepted that she's gone. I just feel empty inside. I've always had that feeling that a piece of me is missing since she was kidnapped. Like I'm a puzzle missing its last piece, the one that you can't find anywhere even when you look under the couch. I'm sure Christian has noticed this but he hasn't commented on it. I think he thinks that I can't handle it. And to be honest I don't think I can. Those first few weeks after she was kidnapped was of course the worst. I tried to keep my poker face on for the council and the people but I'm sure they saw right through me, it wasn't that hard. As soon as I was out of earshot from the people I broke down. I cried so wash it was I wonder I had any fluids left in my body. The only ones who saw me cry was my friends and Dimitri. Those were the only ones I trusted to let them see me cry. Dimitri was an entirely different matter or should I say Guardian Belikov.

After his outburst in the car it was like a filter came over him. He was all formal and titles. It was like he was a robot, only followed orders and he let no one see his feeling. His famous guardian mask was on all the time. I'm not even sure he cried when he was alone. He only ate what was necessary and only took care of himself enough so he did survive. Like he just wanted to exist and nothing more. He just existed and nothing more. No pain, no feeling and no anything. It was like he didn't understand that we grieved too and we could use all support we could get. He just closed himself of.

Right now he's just sitting in the row behind us staring out over the cabin like there would be a threat ten thousand meters up in the air, there were no strigoi here but either way Dimitri was on full guardian mode looking for threats. That's all he does these days. Looking out for us and our safety. He's always protecting us weather we're at a council meeting or at our private room. Like there's always a threat to look for even with a thousand guards around us. I don't know why he's acting like this but I can guess it's because...

"Lissa?"

I look up from my lap and in to the eyes of Christian that's looking at me worriedly. For a second my eyes drift to the seat behind us to look at Dimitri. I can see Christian do the same. We share an understanding look before the pilot announce that we will land in ten minutes. I sigh and lean back in my seat, I start to feel the panic creep up to me again. Christian takes my hand in his and give it a light squeeze. He understands what this day means to me and why it's so hard.

While we exit the plane and cross the runway I have a flash back form when we came back to the academy after our visit to court right before the big attack on court. I can remember it like yesterday. All the worry for Christian's safety while I was safe. To later find out what he and Rose-. I have to stop myself right there, I need to be collected under my visit here. How would it look if the queen broke down under her speech for the elementary school? Not so good.

I try not to be overwhelmed by memories of mine and Rose's time here but it's hard. Especially when every other student turns their head to look at me. I need to have a calm face on the outside while I'm on the inside feel like crying.

"Dimitri?"

"Yes my Queen?"

Right now I just have the urge to slap him across his face. He knows so well I hate all the royal titles between "fiends" in private and right before the accident he had actually started calling me Lissa, much form Rose's efforts but then he stopped. It was all "Yes my Queen?" and "Do you need anything my Queen?" and "Right away my Queen". I've told him repeatedly that I don't want the titles but he keeps ignoring me. I have the power to just command him to not call me Queen but I don't want to do that, it wouldn't be fair.

"Is it really necessary to have 10 guardian surrounding me while were here? I'm pretty certain that I'm safe behind the wards and all the academy guardians." It also makes up another reason for all the students to stare at me.

"Everyone except Guardian Dawson and Guardian Cartwright report To Guardian Petrov and find new assignments while we're at the academy" They move out and the only ones left is Peter and Dorothea just like Dimitri ordered. I think it's still too many guardians but you have to compromise in life, and I know it won't get better than this.

Before my welcome speeches, one to the elementary school, one to the middle and high school, I'm supposed to be in a meeting with all the teachers and the principal to discuss the situation of the school. Just to see how they are holding up and id they need any financial support or anything I can contribute with. I try to always find time to see how my old school are and how they're doing. But the last month has been hectic and I haven't found the time to do it.

As I enter the meeting room all of the teachers and staff stands up to greet me but I just wave my hand, signalling for them to sit up again. I walk around the long wooden table to take my seat at the end of it. Dimitri is right behind me and takes his positon at the big window to have a full view of the room and to be ready for any threats. Christian said that he didn't feel like sitting in another boring meeting and decided walk around and be a bit nostalgic, of course with the two guardian that Dimitri sent with him.

I'm sure the others have heard of Dimitri's "condition" by now:" That he became the robot Guardian after his beloved Roza died", that was at least what all the rumours said for a while after she got kidnapped. Although I can see many surprised looks on their faces as they steal glances at him by the door. Maybe they didn't thought it was as serious as it is.

"I just wanted to thank you again for letting me hold the welcome speech for the students this year again" I say to people seated at the table. I have most of their attention but some still looks at Dimitri every other second. Especially Alberta, which I can understand since she and Dimitri was very close to each other while he still worked here. I don't think he has contacted her under all this years after Rose. I'm not even sure he contacts his family as much as he used to. A month after Rose was kidnapped his mother, Olena, reached out to me to see how her son was doing since he didn't give him a clear answer. I did say he was in a bad condition but I might have left out some details, I don't think any mother would want to her how their sons have turned into robots after the love of his life died. I wouldn't, that's for sure.

"It's we who should be thanking you for doing this every year, I'm sure you have a lot on your schedule these days" Stan says to me while looking between me and Dimitri.

I know Stan and Dimitri didn't have the best relationship but even he couldn't help but feel bad him. Maybe he loved once, I don't know.

"It's nothing I can't manage" I shrug and then continue "Before we go on to the students I would just like to know how you're holding up, any problems? Anything I can help with?"

About a month ago there was an attack on the school. Nobody was killed but some were badly injured. Nobody knows the reason for the attack, no students were taken even if the strigoi had their chances to take multiple. Nothing seemed to be stolen and nothing seemed out of place.

"Not at the moment no, we have some new teachers and instructors who are still adjusting but we are holding on. We have never actually had so much students before as we do right now, it's a new record..."

In the middle of her sentence the doors burst open and a guardian's running into the room. Almost before the doors even opened Dimitri yank me up from my chair and protects me with his own body. Every guardian and instructor in the room is ready for battle and have their stakes ready in their hands. They relax a bit when they notice it's only a guardian but they are still ready. Because who knows what the guardian will say when he opens his mouth.

"Rose Hathaway was found outside court a couple of hours ago"

Okay, that was not what I was expecting, an attack, that someone had been murdered, anything except from that.

I felt myself begin to tear up. All the walls I've built around myself to prevent me from crying in public or in a meeting didn't matter when the guard said those words. The words I've been hoping to hear for almost three years. But they couldn't be true. Rose was dead. I should have faced the truth years ago, but I couldn't, even now I can't face it but it becomes crystal clear when the words leave the guardians mouth. Rose is dead and nothing can bring her back, not even spirit. She's dead and I can't feel her. The only sign outwards from me is a few tears running down my cheeks and I'm sure there is some panic in my eyes but that's it. I can't panic, no one can the turmoil inside me from the outside.

But the change is much more drastic in Dimitri. For almost three years there hasn't been any feelings besides determination and concentration on his face. Now, the only feeling you can read in Dimitri's face is anger. And let me tell you, you don't want to pick a fight with an angry Russian as tall as Dimitri. He looks frightening and if looks could kill the guardian would be burning on the spot right now.

"Dim..." I start but I don't even have time to finish his name before he's on the other side of the room and has the guardian pushed up against the wall.

"If you think that this was a good joke to tell, let me tell you that it was not. I'm not in the mood and suggest you apologize for the agony you have caused your Queen and then tell the real reason that you are here" Dimitri says with a low threatening voice that I wouldn't want to be on the other end of. He releases the guardian who takes a step back and looks afraid.

"It's the truth, I promise. You think I dare lie about her when you or the Queen is in the same room? I don't have a death wish nor am I stupid. There's…"

"I suggest you say something of use before I kick you out of the room" Dimitri interrupt and the guardian gulp.

"I have proof I swear, look here"

He then takes up a cell phone and starts pushing buttons on the screens. It feels like it takes forever. Button after button and I feel like screaming. Can't he just be done already? I've been waiting three years for this moment and I don't feel like waiting a second more.

Finally he connects his phone to the big screen in the room and pushes the play button. Five seconds in to the movie my legs give in beneath me. Surprisingly Dimitri isn't the on to catch me, the guardian from the doors is. Dimitri's eyes are stuck on the screen and he doesn't move a muscle.

On the screen we can see Rose struggling to reach the guardians outside of court. I can't see her face but that doesn't matter. I would recognize her anywhere. Bur the only thing I can recognize her with now is her, length, and body shape. Her whole body is covered in blood and her left leg doesn't seem to be working properly. Her hands is around her torso where is seems like she has a big wound. As she goes she leaves a trail of blood behind her.

My hands cover my mouth in shock as I take in the scene in front of me. You can't hear a sound from the video or from the room. Everyone's eyes is looked on the screen and you could hear a needle hit the ground. The video ends with the guardian calling for help and carrying Rose's body inside the gates, hopefully to the infirmary.

 **DPOV**

I don't know what to think. She's there, right in front of me. I can almost reach out and touch her. For the first time in three years I feel some sort of happiness inside me. I feel some sort of alive. I can't wait to see her again. Would she even want to see me again? What if she rejected me and told me to leave. I wouldn't survive that. I would go out of my mind, more so than I have under the last horrible three years.

The last three years have been hell. I've lost almost everyone I've known. I don't talk to anyone, the only thing I've done is to protect the princess. Because that's what's she would have wanted. She would turn in her maybe now not so existing grave just from the thought of Lissa in danger. The tough makes me smile. The first real smile in three years.

My head is clouded from all the thoughts swirling around in there. The only thing that is clear is that I have to get to her. I've waited three years for this. I won't wait a second more.

"Lissa, when can we leave?" I ask, my eyes still locked on the now black screen. Because that is the closest thing I've gotten to her in three years.

I don't know if it's the chock from me calling her anything other than my Queen or the chock from Rose comeback to the living but it takes her almost a minute to answer my questing. But I don't blame her. Our worlds have been turned upside down in more than one way. It's been chaos since Rose disappeared, nothing that was noticed from the outside or from the council members bur everyone who knew someone who was close to Rose could see the drastic changes is all of us. You could notice pauses in conversations where she would've commented and make everyone in the room laugh, you would notice how everyone would start to cry or draw themselves back from the crowd on days that didn't mean anything to them but to the person was the day they met her, her birthday or something else.

"I don't know, I just… I just… I don't know, Dimitri. I don't know"

"You need to go to her" Alberta said "She will need you there for support, she will need someone familiar"

"But all the kids, I still need to do the speech"

I could tell she was confused, she could handle financial crises, organising balls with four hundred guest with a cook that mixed up allergies and council meetings for eight hours but not how to transport herself back to court. Surely she must understand that we should leave immediately and go to her.

"It's okay, there is always a next year right? Go now!" Alberta said and she almost pushed us out the door. But before we reached it someone spoke.

"Tell her that we have missed her and that we are here for support if she needs something." Stan of all people said. I gave him a nod and then turned to go to the door when we were interrupted again. Christian still breathless from the run here just stood there and stared at us like we were fools.

"What are you still doing here, shouldn't we be on the runway already?"

With that we all took off in the corridor down to the airplane. It must have been a sight to see for the students. The queen, her first guard and her fiancée running down the corridor like they were running from a fire while I yelled in communication system to every guardian we brought here that they should be on the runway in three minutes for an immediate take-off. A lot of the students stopped to stare and so did even some off the guardians but we couldn't care less. We had a sister, a best friend and a lover to get home to.

-(-)-

The plane ride took forever, and I'm a very patient man. You could've ask Rose. No. You could ask Rose. She was alive, breathing and waiting for us to get home. My knees wouldn't stop moving up and down. I've never wanted anything so much as I wanted to get to her right now. I couldn't even sleep because my mind was wandering so mush. I couldn't read my westerns, I couldn't do anything except for waiting and staring out the window.

When the plane finally hit solid land the captain didn't get to finish what he was saying about getting out the luggage carefully since there had been a turbulent journey because as soon as the sign that said that every passenger had to stay in their seats were off Lissa Cristian and I were out of our seat and on the runway.

Nobody dared to stop us as we ran over Court to the infirmary which were her most possible location. They knew why we were here and who we were to visit. As we barged through the doors to the infirmary, me first cause I was the fastest and had the longest legs we didn't have to ask where she was. It was no mystery. The screams of terror that echoed through the hallway were easy to locate and there was no doubt about the owner. We took off again towards the sound and made our way inside before anyone could stop us.

On the plane the only thing that kept me from running to the cockpit and steer the plane myself was to imagine Rose's and my reunion. I imagine her throwing herself in my arms or me running towards her and having to contain myself to hurt her further. I imagine thousand different scenarios but that was not the welcome I got.

The first thing I noticed was her skin. It was covered with bite marks witch I recognized with ease. Strigoi bites. The must be hundreds of them on her body. The next thing I noticed was how she was covered in blood. Her clothes were drenched in a rich red colour. But that was not what chocked or scared me the most. It was what she said.

When we had entered the room, her screams had stopped for a few seconds. But that didn't last long.

"NOOOO, NOOO I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP. PLEASE LET ME GO. PLEASE. PLEASE. NOOO!"

"Roz..."

"NO. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU, GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY"

* * *

 **Hi**

 **Thank you for all the review! They mean so much to me!**

 **I was asked about by updating schedule and I try to update every second week and I would love to update more often but I still go in school and I have a lot of activities on my free time that take up my time. And I have all of these ideas in my head but it's hard for me to get them down on paper, or my computer or something. So it takes me two week to write a new one.**

 **But Christmas is coming around the corner and then I'll have a lot of free time to write on so maybe I can post some more then!**

 **And just so you know, I don't have a beta so all I write I do own my own.**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinions! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	5. The meeting

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 5: The meeting 

_Present time_

DPOV

This was worse.

So, so much worse.

Even worse than if she'd plain ignored me like I'd done when I was turned back. I would've accepted that. That I could understand because I know exactly how it feels.

I couldn't move. I just stood there, frozen in the doorway with Lissa and Christian on either side of me. From what she'd said you couldn't tell which one of us she was talking about. It could have been either Christian, Lissa or me. But it became pretty clear when she started shouting my name like I was a demon from her worst nightmare.

"NO, NO, NO. GO AWAY DIMITRI! GO AWAY!" She kept repeating the words over and over and over again and my heart broke a little more every time she said it. What had changed so much over three years that she didn't love me anymore. Because that was what had happened wasn't it? She'd stopped loving me. All these years, the only thing that kept me upright as the fact that I had though I knew that Rose loved me, wherever she were. That thought was the only thing keeping me alive. But if she didn't love me, what now? What was left living for?

Sure, my family and Lissa and Chris would miss me but they would get over it. Just as they had with Rose. They would understand why I left the world and hopefully not hate me for it. As long as they didn't hate me I could live with myself.

A push on my back made me stumble forward almost to the point in falling. Normally Lissa wouldn't be able to move me a bit but in my chocked condition it wouldn't surprise me if she could take me down.

"NO DON'T COME ANY CLOSER. NO, NO" her voice was hoarse from all the screaming but it couldn't keep away the feeling of home, of familiarity. It brought back so many memories. Memories from the day I met her, when she also had screamed at me to stay away, the endless hours of training in the gym, all the years of guarding together, and the memory of her screaming at me that she loved me before I had to turn around and go away. One of the biggest mistakes and biggest fear for Rose and me in this line of work.

"Rose, it's okay. No one is going to hurt you, you're saf…."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. GO AWAY" She cut me off. It was the fear in her eyes that scared me the most. When Rose and I were out on both field surrounded by 10 strigoi she could laugh and smile even if she was scared of the outcome. It would look as if it didn't even bother her. But now you could clearly see how scared she was.

"Roza, it's just me. It's okay."

She jerked her head towards me when I said her name in Russian and it seemed to calm her down. But only a little. I carefully took a few steps forward and when she didn't try to flee I took a few more until I was beside her bed. She looked shocked and suddenly threw herself at me. At first I thought she was attacking me and I was so chocked I almost took a step backwards. But she didn't attack me. She didn't try to hurt me in any way. She just reached for my hand very, very fast. She held it with both of her hands and stared at it like it was the most precious thing in the world. Like it was air after too long under the water.

When she seemed to be distracted by my hand the doctor sneaked up and gave Rose a syringe with some sedative which she didn't even notice. She stared so intensely at my hand I started to wonder if anything was wrong with it. It hadn't changed that much since I last saw her, just a few more scars from some encounters with strigoi. She just kept turning it, looking at each finger and tracing every part of them. I glanced up to see the same confusion in Lissa and Christian eyes. No one understood what was going on.

Eventually the sedative took over and she passed out, still clutching to my hand.

"What happened before we got here?" I asked to doctor after a moment of silence.

"We found her at the gate a few hours before you got here. She passed out after she'd told the guardians at the gate her name, they took her here as fast as they could but it wasn't so easy for them. Every bump hurt her stomach and caused her to bleed even more. If she were a human she would have been dead a long time ago"

I tore my eyes from the doctor and looked over at her. I had understood that she was hurt, but now it dawned on me how close I had been to losing her a second time. That's counting that she would survive. She had to, there wasn't an alternative. I couldn't go on after just having her back.

"She was passed out for some time while we examined her but as soon as she woke up she started screaming. She said that she had to get out of here and that we had to let her out of the door. Of course we couldn't let her loose so we tried to calm her down but she just tossed around and screamed that we had to release her or take her to you." The doctor continued, looking at me.

She had called for me, screamed for me and I wasn't here to calm her down. I silently cursed myself for being stupid and leaving court grounds. I should have guessed that if she would return court would be the first place to look after me. I'm on court almost every day of the year but just the day she came back I had to be gone.

"How long does she have to be here? I mean when can she go home?" Lissa asked. While the doctor talked they had walked up to stand on the other side of Rose's bed.

"A few more days, a week at most. Right now we have her injuries under control but the wound in her side might need surgery if it gets any worse" he answered. "She will be out for a few more hours but give us a call if she wakes up or if anything happens."

After that he left us alone with our thoughts and worries.

What were supposed to happen now? I understood that it couldn't go back to how it was before. To mush had changed if you would go by how Rose acted five minutes ago. I wondered if she would ever act like she wasn't terrified of me. That was a horrifying line of thoughts I didn't want to continue with. All I could do was prey to whoever up there that she would talk to me again.

"What are we going to do while she's out?" Christian finally spoke up after a few tense moments of silence.

"Just wait until she wakes up, then we will see" I replied.

-(-)-

I woke to someone touching my hair, scraping my scalp. It felt good just to relax and enjoy this free moments before going back to guardian duty. It had been a stressful couple of days, even for me. I couldn't remember why but something had happened, something big that had took a lot of energy out of me. But it felt to right now to do anything about it.

I had been trapped in this simple hospital room for three days. Three days of simple food, simple surroundings and pretty mush simple everything else. The hospital room was painted in baby blue colours. Probably with the purpose of calming the patient down but to me it was just boring to look at. The only thing with a little colour in the room was the plastic plant on the bedside table. Otherwise the only furniture in the room was a small wardrobe, the hospital bed and a little the table for the doctors.

Of course there was also the obligatory visitor's chair which I hadn't left other for bathrooms breaks and food. And let me tell you, it's not so comfortable to sit in a small plastic chair when you are as tall as me.

My thoughts were yet again broken when the hand changed position and came closer to the neck. Yes there, right there, a little to left. Yes, aghhhh…

Wait!

I jerked right up and stared around. To my right I saw the door leading out to the corridor and to my left I saw a beautiful heart shaped face looking up at me. How could I have forgotten why I was here, even for a small moment? I had waited three days, I couldn't wait a second more.

Her eyes still looked scared, haunted even. All my instincts told me take her into my arms and calm her done, like I would have done three years ago but now I wasn't so sure that was the right thing to do. Maybe she would start screaming and tossing around again.

But she just looked at me. Looked. Looked. And then looked some more. If this had happened three years ago she would have made a comment such as "I'm surprised it took you so long comrade, I've been waiting ages". Which in reality would have been five minutes.

"Hi" I said carefully, trying to sound cheerful.

She didn't answer. But she did reach for my hand and held it, still looking me in the eyes.

"How are you?" I said, which of course was really stupid of me. Of course she wasn't fine. Who would be? After what I'd seen yesterday I really should have known better.

"Sorry, that was really dumb of me. It's just…" I started rambling. "I don't know. I don't know what to say. I'm happy you're back, so, so happy. And I hope you're not in pain. Oh, that was what I was supposed to ask. How are you feeling? Should I call a doct…"

"Dimitri"

It was just must name, but my whole world felt brighter after she said it. She smiled a little, like she was trying it after a really long time. It seemed as if it was difficult for her. The small task took time to be completed and even than it didn't seem natural. It seemed forced but real at the same time.

Then there were a knock at the door and her demeanour instantly shifted. From somehow relaxed to frightened and trying to escape the bed. An impossible task since she was handcuffed with her left arm. Her right was still hurt. But she still tried like her life depended on it.

"Don't come in" I screamed to whoever was behind the door. Who knows how Rose would react is the person actually came inside.

I threw myself up in the bed, trying to restrain her arms so she wouldn't hurt herself. Three years ago she would have flipped us over and break free without problem but now she couldn't even free her arm. It was a sad sight. Seeing her so scared, for nothing made me break for her. All I wanted was to take her into my arms and comfort her until she would feel safe again. But it wasn't possible.

"Calm down Rose" I said trying to sooth her. "It's okay, you're safe"

"No Dimitri, you don't understand. You don't understand" She almost screamed franticly. "They're coming for me, they're coming to get me. There're coming back and they are going to take me back to the room, and then they're going… they're going to…"

By then she was crying, kicking and screaming so much she couldn't keep up her monolog.

"They're not going to take you Rose, I'm here now, and I'm going to protect you. You're safe Roza"

I kept repeating the words until she stilled so much I could turn around and look at the door.

"Who's there?"

"Lissa and me" Christian answered from the other side of the door. "No one else, just us"

Under me, Rose stilled. She still looked frightened but at least she wasn't tossing around anymore.

"Come in" I said slowly.

The door opened, very, very slowly. Cristian and Lissa stepped in. They looked at each other and then at Rose. No one knew what to do. You could easily see their nervousness when watches us together on the bed watching them in return.

"Hi" Lissa tried.

Rose opened her mouth as if she would answer her. But nothing came out. It almost looked as if she was a fish on land having trouble breathing. She struggled for a minute before something came out.

"Hi" She said breathlessly.

"Can I come forward?" Lissa asked gently

Rose nodded but didn't look so sure. When Lissa took a small step forward Rose moved a little closer to me but she didn't stop her from taking another step. Is was some slow minutes before she reach the bed, but she made it, and Rose didn't start screaming or tossing around. Meanwhile Christian stood still in the corner, as if he was waiting for instructions or for someone to say something, I didn't know.

Complete silence filled the room. Outside you could hear people walking in the corridor or calling for someone to get to room 44. But inside, you could have heard a needle fall to the floor. Which in our case wouldn't just have been an expression. With the moroi's hearing we could actually have heard it. But it seemed as if Lissa could stay silent for long since she was the first one to break the silence.

"I'm so sorry Rose, we should have gone after you. We should have saved you, or even just looked for you. I'm so happy that you're back I can't even…"

"Can I hold your hand?" Rose cut her off.

Lissa frowned and looked at me. Which was to no use since I neither had any reply to the strange request. And that would say much. Rose had requested many strange things over the year, mainly it almost always was about food. The time she'd put ketchup on a taco was still a brilliant example.

"Suure… I just…Uhmm"

Rose didn't need any more confirmation than that. She grabbed her hand and studied it just like she had with mine three days ago. Like it was a long lost treasure that she had found.

Yet again silence filled to room. Everyone watched as Rose turned Lissa's hand around in hers.

"Can I hold yours to?" She asked Christian. Who still stood in the corner.

"Sure, whatever you want" This would have been the perfect time for a Rose Hathaway answer, or Rose Belikova. Three heads turned in synch and looked at her, expecting that answer, but nothing came, and that more than anything, showed how much that had changed. If she didn't reply to me in that tone it was something. But if she didn't do that to Christian, we were either in mortal danger or at a funeral. And since I didn't think that this hospital room had suddenly changed into a church without me noticing or that there were a strigoi nearby, something was seriously wrong.

Christian put on a brave facade and took the few step left to the bed. But everyone who knew him well enough could clearly see how worried he was. Nonetheless he still let Rose have his hand and just as with Lissa's and my hands Rose studied it thoroughly.

"Do you want me to heal you?" Lissa asked cautiously

Rose looked up and then nodded. She must realise that the only thing that would bring Lissa some peace right now was to let her do what she did best; Heal and help people in need, And Rose was certainty in need. Even if the spirit now created a darkness that Lissa had to deal with on her own it was worth it, for all of us. To see that she wasn't in pain would make us all feel lighter and more capable of helping her.

So Lissa reached out her hand and places it on Rose's and closed her eyes.

A second later she frowned and opened her eyes.

"I don't understand" she said. "There's this darkness within you… but that's not possible… the bond… it's broken, I can't feel you"

It came out more as a question. And the answer should have been simple. Lissa had felt the bond break almost three years ago. That's why she had been so certain that Rose had been killed.

"Why do you think the bond is gone?" Rose asked with a small voice. "It's been the only thing keeping me alive for the last years"

* * *

 **AN: Thank you so mush for the reviews and follows! They are so fun to read.**

 **So there you have it, the meeting. What do you think? Please let me know if I made your imagination justice.**

 **So I lost my phone. Which sucks because I usually write down my thought about the story throughout the day. So pray with me that I find it. Otherwise, Christmas break started yesterday so that means more time to write, and maybe another update during Christmas... ;)**

 **But if not, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	6. Coming home

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 6: Coming home

 _Present time_

DPOV

Another three days.

Another three days filled of torture waiting for Rose to be released. Lissa had healed her injuries so much that that she didn't really need the doctors anymore but her mental issues, that made it hard for her to even be in the same buildings as strangers, made it impossible to even move back to the apartment to be in a safe place. Somewhere where she was familiar with her surroundings. Not that Rose wasn't familiar with the hospital, I think she has the record for most visited patient four years in a row. Of course that was before she was kidnapped.

The first three days she had had to be sedated because she started screaming as soon as she woke up, and it also gave her body time to heal. Both physically and mentally. Of course she still screamed from time to time but often she becomes quiet and curls into a small boll, as is if she was escaping the world.

But this was the day, the day that Rose was released so she could be at home healing instead of this hospital room. It had taken us a long time to figure out how we would live after Lissa was crowned queen. Rose wanted to live next to Lissa, of course she said it was because she was Lissa's primary guard, but I think it just was because she wanted to be close to Lissa.

This is were being best friend with the queen was a benefit. Lissa had a meeting room next to her own apartment renovated. To a little apartment with three room, bathroom included, but that was enough for us. One bedroom and one living room with a combined little kitchen. Just enough space to land a couple of hours before going back to work. Just enough space for my westerns and all of Roses stuff, which I hadn't removed since she disappeared. It wasn't mush, but for Rose and me it was every one of our dreams coming true. We who for years only dreamed of being able to be together thought of our apartment as pure luxury.

It was still a mystery how the bond could remain intact when Lissa clearly had felt it break 3 years ago. After Rose had spilled the news that the bond still existed Lissa went a little hysterical asking questions about it, which ended up making Rose crawl back onto the bed an into my arms. Since then the subject had been taboo. I knew that everyone was very curious but no one wants Rose to go hysterical again.

It comforted me that Rose even after three years of separation still seemed to seek the safety in my arms, almost on instinct. It was a nice feeling that we still had our special bond. The one that let us speak without actually uttering words and let us understand each other completely.

Under these three days I hadn't left Rose's side other than for food, bathroom breaks and once to speak with Hans croft, the head guardian.

 _It felt strange leaving her side, if only just for a couple of minutes. Even if I just had spent three years without her I had quickly turned back to old habits and being used to having her by my side all the time. But this had to be done. It was a necessarily measure for the future._

 _The doors to guardian headquarters were transparent so you could easily see the interior. Desks and chairs filled the room, occupied by approximately twenty guardians on desk duty. They should really re-paint the room, or at least do something to give the room a little more life and colour. The walls were painted in a white shade and combined with the light grey floor it gave the room a sterile feeling which didn't appear so inviting._

 _Opening the doors and walking up to the front desk I gently cleared my throat to get the women behind the desk attention. She lifted her head and I was met with warm brown eyes surrounded by light brown hair. Not as beautiful eyes as Rose's but they still had a more inviting feeling than this room._

 _"Is guardian Croft free?" I asked._

 _"Have you booked an appointment?" She replied with a monotone voice, shifting her attention back onto the computer._

 _"No, but I was thinking that…" I didn't have time to finish the sentence before a voice interrupted me from an office on my left._

 _"You can come in, Guardian Belikov. I have some questions for you too." Hans said._

 _I gave the secretary a look which she didn't even see because she was engrossed in a fashion magazine. I left her to continue with her "reading", or rather looking at pictures, and rounded the corner to knock on the office door._

 _"Come in" Sounded a voice from inside._

 _I opened the door to reveal a much more inviting room the one I'd just left. Warm colours filled the walls with cosy leather chairs and green real plants occupying the windows. A couple of steps later I was seated in one of the leather brown chairs and staring into the eyes of the head guardian._

 _"Judging from the circles under your eyes I'm assuming that the rumours are true, Rose is back and alive" My response was a nod._

 _" So why isn't she out there, making the most of her chance of the celebrity status she's going to receive after coming back from death for the third time?"_

 _"The situation is a little more complicated than that" I took a deep breath and then continued. "Rose have had several panic attacks just from unfamiliar doctors entering her room, she can't meet any other friends but Lissa and Christian, and me of course. Lissa has healed her injuries so physically she's fine, except for the scars after the bite marks all over her body. But her mental problems doesn't allow her to do more than moving her to our apartment, under the daylight when our world is sleeping, through underground tunnels and with Christian walking thirty meters in front of us to make sure we don't run into anyone. And then you have to understand that it has taken her three days of doing nothing else than people trying to convince that she will be safe, before she even considered this. And she is still scared to death about it. I will be surprised if we won't have to sit an hour before our departure just to convince her to actually go. "_

 _"I understand, bite marks you said?" he asked._

 _"We still don't know exactly what happened to her because she can't open up about what she has experienced without panicking. All we know is that she's been kept in some dark room and when she returned her body was badly injured with several broken bones. She had a major wound in her side and she could barely walk. Toes to neck she is covered in bite marks, her face is free of them, but it will take Lis… I mean the Queen months to heal them away."_

 _Croft leaned back in his seat and clapped his hands together, a thoughtful look on his face._

 _"So I understand that you're moving her today?" he asked after a couple of seconds of silence._

 _"That's the plan, and I just wondered if…"_

 _"It's already granted, all you have to do is sign the papers" He said and then turned away to browse through some papers on his desk._

 _"E-e-excuse me?" I stuttered out._

 _"Isn't that why you came her in the first place, to apply for a bit of time off to be with Rose?"_

 _"Yes, b-but I thought…" I tried to speak but was once again cut off._

 _"It's no problem, really. You should even get paid while doing it. She's our best fighter, sorry but she is, though the ghosts is the only advantage she has against you. Otherwise she and you are a match in your fighting skills. But she is still an idol to our society, it hit us hard to lose her. A lot of the young ones looked up to her._

 _"I suppose they do" I answered._

 _"There is no need to discuss this further. Just make sure she comes back, or I'll personally file your resignation" he threatened._

 _"Are you sure about this" I asked, still unsure if he was serious._

 _"Yes, go already!"_

So right now I'm on vacation, or working from home I guess? At least if you would go after what Hans told me.

"No I can't do this. Don't you understand? They'll find me… They'll find me and take me back to the room. And it's going to be dark, and I don't want it to be dark, I don't like it, I don't like it…"

Rose was sitting on the floor, beside her hospital bed clinging to it like it was the only thing in the world keeping her sane. We have been here for almost half an hour, coaxing and trying to make her leave the safety of her hospital room. But so far it seemed like we were working a on a doomed case. If it would take this long just lo leave the hospital we would need to get moving now if we wanted to make it back home before the moroi world woke up.

"It's okay Rose, there will be light the whole time. It is daytime remember? I told you before, there will be daylight outside and you'll be able to see everything. Nothing will be dark, I promise. Please!" I pleaded.

At this point I really didn't think we would ever get out of here, that we would have to use sedatives again and we didn't want to do that. We would lose all faith she has left in us. I had no idea on how to get her out of here.

It was only me, Lissa and Christian in the room. The latter two insisted on being there even if they would usually sleep at this time of the day. As a guardian I have adapted to the constant changes in my sleeping schedule. But they would surely feel the effect of this adventure in the morning. They stood in the middle of the room while I sat next to Rose trying to ease her grip on the bed.

"Why can't we just blindfold her?" Christian asked suddenly.

Three head snapped in his direction. Carrying three identical masks of surprise.

"I just mean, if she can't see it, there is nothing to be afraid of, right?"

I pondered the idea a while. From the look on Lissa's face you could tell that she did the same. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Sure it would be dark for Rose but if we talked the whole time, if she could hear our voices the whole time, it could work. We wouldn't have to stop at every corner because Rose would be too afraid to look around it. We would save so much time and she would be home, safe, sooner than the other alternatives.

"Rose?"

"NO, NO. It'll be dark, you promised that it wouldn't be dark. You promised that it wouldn't be dark, you promised, you promised…" Her voice fades at the end as she finally releases the bed just to curl up in a boll, hiding her head in her knees, shutting out the world.

I know that it could end badly but I can't help myself, the need to take her into my arms and comfort her is too big. So I reach forward to put my hand on either side of her head. Not to tilt her head up so that she will look me in the eyes, just to let her know that I'm there if she needs me. I can just hope that she understands that.

"I know, I know" I say. "But this will be a good kind of darkness. You know when you watch a movie and you want it to be dark, then it is cosy and you want it dark. This is the same, good darkness, it'll help you so that we can reach the apartment faster. I can talk the whole way there so you can just listen to my voice and it'll only take 5 minutes. And it'll be sunlight outside so no one will be awake and no one can take you. "

"Kayu me?"

She's still hiding her head in her knees so her voice came out muffled and I couldn't make out what she'd said.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

She slowly looked up from her lap and looked at my face. Not my eyes but rather my nose or my chin. She took a deep breath and then repeated what she said before.

"Carry me?"

Did this mean that she agreed to go home? That she agreed to be blindfolded to make the trip home easier" I could only assume and hope that that was what she meant.

"Yes, of course I can carry you. Give me your scarf Lissa" I replied, maybe a little too eagerly.

"NO" Rose blurted out. "Can I have yours instead?" She asked me.

At this point I would do everything just to make her leave the room, so I quickly grabbed my scarf on the plastic chair and gave it to her. I figured it would make her feel safer if she could put it on herself. I don't know what they did to her back there but if they somehow blindfolded her there by force I don't want her to relive any memories by forcing her to wear it. Everything must happen in her pace otherwise we won't succeed in anything else than freighting her.

"Can I hold you hand?" she asked timidly.

"Of course you can, whatever you want milaya" I replied.

The slowly reached for the piece of fabric on my hand. So slowly I wondered if she thought that someone was going to take it from her. Of course no one would. She was safe here. No one would hurt her, I would personally make sure of that. I just had to make sure she understood that.

"Al menos moriré feliz" She mumbled under her breath.

"What?" I asked and frowned. Since I was fluent in both English and Russian I was certain she hadn't spoken in her or my native language.

I didn't get any answer to my question because she had already taken on the blindfold and placed herself in front of me so that I could easily pick her up.

-(-)-

Thank the heavens that Christian came up with the idea of the blindfold, I don't know how we would have moved her otherwise. With Rose stopping us at every corner it would have taken us the whole day and night just to get to the apartment. Of course it wasn't just to pick her up, walk over out and put her down. We had to stop multiple times so she wouldn't have a panic attack but after some coaxing and calming down from everyone we made it to the apartment in just under an hour. My throat was dry after all the talking I'd done under the walk. I repeatedly told Rose many stories of our life together, from our first meeting to our time working as Lissa's and Christian guardians. All for the sake of keeping her calm. I don't know how much it helped but at least she didn't scream and kick under the way here. Of course my purpose wasn't only to calm her down. I had some hopes that if she was reminded of happy memories she could focus on them and not on her time help captive. I don't know if it worked but all I can do is try, right?

Right now we're standing in front of our apartment door. I'd already released Rose and put her on the ground in front of me but she didn't move after that, she just stared at the door. Which wasn't very chocking since she hadn't been here for almost three years. Nothing had changed though. I was keen on keeping everything as it was before she disappeared in case she would come back and I thanked myself for doing that. It surely must be easier for her if everything was as it were before everything happened.

"Do you want to open?" I asked her while holding the key out in my hand for her to take.

After eyeing it for a couple of moments she gently grabbed it and unlocked the door.

All I could do was hope that whatever awaited us on the other side would be good and better than what we had left behind us.

* * *

 **AN: Al menos moriré feliz –** **At least I'll die happy**

 **I can't talk Spanish so if I got it wrong you are more than welcome to correct me.**

 **And you should be aware of the fact that I didn't pre-read this chapter so if I spelled anything wrong please let me know so I can correct it.**

 **Now that the boring part is over. Thank you so much for your reviews and follows! There is almost a hundred of you know. I never thought so many would notice my story, yet like it. It means so much to me. I just though you should know that you make my day every time I check my mail and notice that someone new has followed or left an review!**

 **So what do you think will happen know when Rose has been moved to the apartment?**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are! And a Happy New Year!**


	7. First night

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 7: First night 

_Present time_

RPOV

The door lock had long ago clicked but my hand was frozen on the handle. Three years ago I wouldn't have hesitated to turn it around and walked inside. I would probably have run inside hoping to meet Dimitri after a long day at work. But that was three years ago, what I would do now was an entirely different matter. Even I didn't now.

All I wanted was to escape this world, to somewhere I could feel completely safe from everything. Where I wouldn't have to doubt everything that I saw and everyone that I met. So I wouldn't have to wonder if they were real or just a fiction of my imagination. That everything wasn't just a dream and anytime I would wake up to red ringed eyes and bared teethes.

No I would not go down that road. It would just lead to another panic attack. I would try to just focus on the present just like the doctors said. Of course I couldn't be held responsible for my nightmares. I knew I couldn't control them and I was terrified of the moment I had to go to sleep. When I was awake I knew that anything could happen but at least Dimitri, Lissa and even Christian could be here to protect me. But in the dream world I would be alone. Utterly and horribly alone. And I would have no control over the situation.

Suddenly a warm hand covered my own and made me turn the handle. For a moment my breathing became erratic as I felt someone mush taller than me stand directly behind me. But my body relaxed instinctively when I recognized the scent that wrapped itself around me.

Together Dimitri and I turned the handle around and opened the door. The first thing that my brain recognized was the smell. It smelled like home. Of Dimitris western, cooked food and the most important thing; safety. Here I knew where everything was. From my photos from Portland, my clothes, breadboards, toothbrushes, bedsheets, hair ties. Okay maybe not hair ties, those were often lost somewhere. But everything was familiar.

As I walked around in our three rooms I realized that everything was exactly like it was three years ago. The bread I'd left on the counter before our trip had of course passed their expiration date and I would hopefully find new food in the refrigerator if I opened it. But the essentials was still here. Our couch, our dining table, our bed. Our home.

For a long time I wandered around in the apartment, just touching everything. Making sure it was real and not just a dream. In the end I stopped in the living room / kitchen. There, on the window overlooking the little park just outside the building stood a framed photo of Dimitri and me. In the photo we sat on the porch to the Belikov house in Baia. We looked happy. Unknowing of that Victoria had her camera out she had managed to capture us right in the middle of a joke long forgotten. Something that had been funny and important back then but didn't matter in the present. I wish I could just re-live that moment. I'd been so happy then.

I wasn't sad about that I seemed happy and carefree back then, I was sad about the fact that I may never feel that kind of happiness again. Right at this moment it didn't seem very possible.

 _I groaned and rolled over on my back. My head pounded and my throat felt like it hadn't had any to drink in days. I tried to swallow but my mouth felt dry as sand paper. From what I could feel from my body I thought that I had a mild concussion and someone had definitely kicked me in the stomach. I tried to stand up on all four and heard something rustle to my right._

 _I opened my eyes but nothing happened. I tried again but the result didn't change. It was still pitch black all around me. Even with my dhampir sight I couldn't make out the outline of the walls I surely was surrounded with. Whatever had rustled to my right kept me from raising my hand very high, so it was probably some sort of chain. When I moved my left leg I discovered that the same sort of chain seemed to be holding that leg down to._

 _I remembered being taken from Dimitris arms and watching the car driving away. After that it's kind of blurry. When I touched my cheeks I could still feel the dried tears I'd cried when Dimitri was taken, so I would guess that I'd only been in this room for a couple of hours. My dry mouth could just be an effect of my bad habit of sleeping with an open mouth combined with the extremely dry air in this room._

 _Suddenly the room was filled with bright light that blinded my eyes. I tried to roll around to turn away from the light that pained my eyes but the chain stopped me from shielding my eyes completely. Instead I tried to put my free arm over my eyes and sighed happily when a part of the light disappeared._

" _Well, well. We can't have you covering that beautiful face of yours now can we." A voice said from what I though was the door opening._

 _I felt someone grab my arm and pull it back. Letting the bright light shine on me gain. At least now I had had some time getting used to it and it wasn't just as painful as before. Whoever was behind me chained my arm so the only thing that was free was one of my legs._

" _What do you want?!" I hissed at the man who stood in the entry to my cell. I could just make out the_ _silhouette_ _of him._

" _We wouldn't want to spoil all the fun by telling you. It will all be revealed in good time" He said as he begun to move forward._

" _Right now, you and I are going to have so much fun together."_

I was pulled back to reality when someone gently shook me and called my name. I looked up to see Lissa's jade green eyes watching me with worry. Dimitri and Christian stood behind her. I didn't want them to worry but I couldn't make them stop either. If Lissa disappeared for three years and then came back I would be worried out of my mind. And I couldn't stop the panic attacks either. I was constantly worried that I would wake up and realize that this was all a dream. All I could do was enjoy it while it lasted if that was the case. And if I would wake up on the cold metal table I could die somewhat happy with this dream fresh on my mind.

"Do you want something to eat?" Lissa asked.

Honestly, I wasn't hungry. I hadn't been hungry since I got here but I guess it would calm them if I ate something or did something that was considered normal.

"Sure" I replied and walked over to the kitchen like it was something I did every day. The truth was that I hadn't had a normal meal for three years. One of my kidnappers had had medical education in his former life and had given me some sort of nutritional drip to keep my body alive but not satisfied.

I opened the door to the refrigerator and looked inside. Someone, probably Lissa, had bought groceries for us. Because from my memory we never had this much food at home. We usually ate at the guardian lounge or ordered take-out. If not Dimitri usually bought something if he wanted to cook some Russian food for us but in that case he didn't but this much. I had just bought the small stuff, like milk and a few eggs.

Lissa had gone all out. There would be food to feed a moroi family for more than a month if you were smart with it. I appreciated the gesture, it was really kind of her but all it did was make my stomach turn.

What I saw next, would three years ago have made me run and make my mouth water. However, today was a different story. Right now it was just a reminder of what I wasn't. What I couldn't make myself to be. It just made me feel useless and meaningless.

A doughnut.

Two plain, not even chocolate glazed, doughnuts was my fall. Two normal doughnuts. It might as well have been the photo frame I'd held in my hand a minute ago. That would have been better. It would have made more sense. This was hard to rationalize even for my Rose-logic.

To everyone's surprise (I guess some part of me was surprised to even if that part was buried deep within me) I took the plate with doughnuts, opened the window and threw them out. I didn't even want them in my trash. That was to close.

Under their stares, I put the now empty plate and laid it down in the sink. With a trembling hand I grabbed a small yogurt drink and walked over to the couch.

-(-)-

Lissa and Christian left after a while. Nobody had tried to start a conversation after I threw my once favourite snack out the window. I was glad they hadn't tried. I wouldn't know what to talk about. "Hi, nice to see you after three years. I'm sorry you thought I was dead while I was really kidnapped and used as a snack the entire time. So what do you think about the weather today?" Somehow I didn't think that would be a good start.

It had also been an odd moment when I couldn't drink up more than half of the yoghurt drink. My mouth and throat wasn't used to swallow after so long time on nutritional drip.

So now it was just me and Dimitri left. Said person hadn't uttered a word since the others left. He just sat down on the couch beside me and opened his arms. I understood that maybe no one would ever understand what I went through. But it didn't matter in this moment. What mattered was that Dimitri was here for me. Without asking question or wondering what had happened while I was away. Without me telling him he understood that if I was ready I would tell him what had happened, and if I would never be ready he would wait forever. Even if he wondered why my body was covered in bite marks and why I would maybe never be able to be in the same room as strangers, he would be there for me.

I was so grateful for that. I knew Lissa would be there for me. She would support me and help me try to recover from everything. But I knew that she would ask questions, she would wonder, always wonder and worry for me. And I would feel everything through the bond, ten times more than I would feel it from Dimitri because, well, she is Lissa, do I need to say more?

When his arms wrapped themselves around me I started to cry. Because I was so thankful for this. For a new chance. For the fact that I could die here and not in the cold dark room. For the fact that I could be buried next to Dimitri in Baia's cemetery. For the fact that I could rest here and not be worried when a door opened and _he_ would enter.

I don't know for how long I cried but Dimitri held me the whole time, comforting me and murmuring in Russian to me. Sometime later when the tears stopped he carried me inside the bedroom and put me down on the bed.

"I'm just going to turn off all the lights, okay?" He whispered and then left me on the bed.

Our bedroom had light colours. Mostly light brown or beige combined with some white and grey. Lissa had made a good decision decoration the whole apartment. The colours where mostly the same all over the apartment which made it feel bigger than it actually was, which was very much needed. Our bedroom was so small that for me (who slept against the wall) it was easier to crawl over from Dimitri's side to mine because there was so little space on my side. But it didn't matter, it worked for us, or at least it had worked three years ago.

On the opposite wall from the bed was a body length mirror. From my position on the bed I could just see my upper body and my head but that was enough. I gasped and moved over so that I could see my whole body, not that it mattered, and I had already seen what I needed to. My skin, that once was tanned and smooth now looked ghostly pale and dry. My face that had under my whole life been full of life and energy now looked hollow and my eyes looked too big for my eyes. I removed my sweater and looked at my upper body. My skin was covered in scars. Crescent shaped bite marks was everywhere that I looked. I looked horrible. Once I would have called myself beautiful but now I wouldn't even go as far as to call myself pretty. If it was just my face I wound say that I just looked sick and I could regain my looks after a while but when you took a look at the rest of my body it didn't look good. I would always carry this scars, maybe not always physically but always mentally.

Right at that moment Dimitri walked in. I was always grateful for the fact that we could understand each other completely but not in this moment. I didn't want him to see how much I hated myself and my body in this moment. But it didn't matter what I wanted or didn't want him to see, he saw my self-hatred.

He walked over and hugged me from behind meeting in my eyes in the mirror.

"There is nothing wrong with you Roza, you're beautiful. Just as beautiful as three…"

"No, I'm not…I'll never be" I interrupted.

Without breaking my gaze in the mirror he tuned me around so that I could look directly in my eyes.

"How about this. I can't convince you to think that you are beautiful, only you can do that. But you need to remember something; you can't change my opinion. I will always think that you are beautiful and you will just have to accept that. What I said before was my opinion, not yours. If I have to spend my whole life trying to convince you that I actually think so then I will do it, gladly. I love you"

"You can't love me, you love the girl from three years ago."

"If that's the case, then I will learn to love you too. And don't say that your feelings have faded. I can't stop you from leaving when I left you. But don't say it and don't mean it. Because you still love me, or at least care for me. Otherwise you wouldn't have broken down in my arms five minutes ago. And if that's all you can give me then I'll take it. I'm happy just to be near you."

I didn't have the energy to fight against what he said so I just hugged him. I changed into one of his t-shirts that almost reached my knees and crawled down under the sheets. He joined me after a while and spooned me from behind. One of his hands covered mine and I felt safe. Safe and protected. I just laid there and enjoyed it for a while until I realized that Dimitri would probably never fall asleep until I did. So while listening to his heartbeat I closed my eyes.

That was the first night I woke up sweating and screaming because of a nightmare.

* * *

 **I don't know when the last time I posted was, it's been a little hectic in my life over the holidays. But anyway, Happy New Year to you all! I hope you have had a great start of 2019 and that you saw some amazing fireworks when the clock turned twelve.**

 **I'll probably post next Saturday and after that I'll go back to posting every other Saturday.**

 **Story recommendation:**

 **If you're into stories with the whole werewolf mate (where you meet each other and instantly know that you are soulmates) you should totally check out "Precious Mate" by "Crazzy2014". She does this concept but with vampires and with Vampire Academy characters. It's so good! You'll be hooked by the end of the first chapter.**

 **So what do you think about it? Give me your thought please! And thank you so mush for one hundred followers, it's fun to know that my work is appreciated:)**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	8. Dream

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 8: Dream

4 months after Rose was kidnapped

RPOV

* * *

Dreaming is an act of pure imagination,

Attesting in all men a creative power,

which if it were available in walking

would make every man

a Dante or Shakespeare

\- _H.F. Hedge_

* * *

 _I woke up with a gasp. As normal it didn't matter if I had my eyes open or not. It was still dark. I preferred to keep them close. At least then I could pretend that I was sleeping in the floor in the apartment or that I was sunbathing on the beach._

 _I knew it would end like this. In the end I would always wake up on the table, strapped down, unable to move. I would always be stuck her, probably until I would die._

 _"_ _Nice to see that you could join us today, Miss Hathaway" He said with a sugary sweet voice._

 _I knew he only did it to annoy me and I tried not to take the bait, He had done the same thing for months and it still annoyed me to no end. He knew that o was married but he refused to use my new name as Dimitri's wife. Sometimes I corrected him, but he only smiled and kept on talking. When I ignored him, he just looked exited. Like he had a new toy to play with. And in a way he had._

 _I don't know how long I had been in this room, house, building whatever you want to call it. If I would guess I would say a few months. But it could just as much be a few weeks or a couple of years._

 _Time had stopped having a meaning to me._ _The day was always like the one before. Nothing ever differed. Have a dream, wake up, another session with them and go back to the little sleep I could get._

 _I had stopped asking what he wanted. By now I knew that I would never get an answer. Now I just laid still and hoped that I would soon be able to fall asleep again. Dreams, Nightmares, whatever that came to me when my eyes were closed was my escape from reality._

 _"_ _Like any book, it's an escape" Dimitri once said. Back then, in his room at Court, the only thing we had had to worry about was that Victor Dashkov would tell the judges of our relationship and the lust charm. Right now I would give anything to go back to that moment, just to be carefree and have to worry about being trapped in a basement with no lights._

 _"_ _Do not even think his name, you're not worthy of it" He spat at me._

 _Half of what he said these days didn't even make sense. One second he could talk about the weather or the first snow, the next he could cry talk about someone he missed and eat cake (only to tease me of course). Form the start I had learned to tune him out. It only hurt more to listen to everything that I missed outside in the real word._

 _I understood why he didn't want me to think about him but it didn't matter and frankly I did not care about what he thought about it. . My sympathy for him had run out ten minutes after being here._

 _"_ _Do not even think about pitying yourself. You deserve everything after what you did!"_

 _"_ _But there is nothing I can do to change it, is it? What is done is done." I whispered back. I didn't have the energy to yell or scream back. I had also realized that that was pointless too. He would hear me no matter how I spoke._

 _One of my captors had had medical education before he was turned so he put me up with some_ _nutritional drip. It kept my body going but I would always be hungry, not to the point of pain but rather to the point of annoyance._

 _Zeke, the one with medical education, sometimes came into the room and just sat with me. He never spoke but it was a nice silence. I knew he was one of them but in those moments we just felt like two lonely souls seeking comfort in one another._

 _"_ _So Miss Hathaway. Where will we start today?"_

* * *

 **I know it's not a lot but I haven't written so mush more under the past two weeks. And I prefer to post something little and end it well to not posting anything at all. I'll make it up to you and post an extra long chapter next time!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	9. First step

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 9: First step

 _Present_

DPOV

I woke up to someone screaming. At first I was surprised. In my half-awake half dreaming state everything was perfect. Rose was back and we would work everything out. I had had the most wonderful dream. In my dream we were back at my old house in Baia. My whole family was there. Mt sisters, mama, babushka, Lissa, Christian, Adrian and all my other friends too. How we were all able to fit into that little house was a mystery to me. Even Ivan was there. Which wouldn't have been possible in real life. Because if Ivan hadn't died I wouldn't have moved and I wouldn't have met Rose and I wouldn't have met half the people in that room. But as I said, it was only a dream

When I finally let the dream go, harsh reality took its place. Rose was turning and tossing on the bed beside me and every other second, a scream erupted from her perfect formed lips. No words, just ear-piercing screams that made goose-bumps appear on my skin.

Quickly I grabbed her hands and pinned her down to the bed with my whole weight. This was one of the few situations where it was better to be bigger than her. Three years ago she probably would have been able to flip us over after a while but right now she was underweight and hadn't been in the gym for quite some time. So in this position, she was trapped and unable to escape.

"Rose! Rose, wake up!" I said close to her ear. I didn't want to scream and risk to startle her. My plan was to try and wake her up slowly.

"Roza, please wake up milaya" I pleaded with her.

Suddenly she jerked up and hit her head against my forehead. It hurt a little, of course it did. But In the adrenaline rush currently … my body, I could easily ignore it. I looked into her big and panicked eyes and prayed that I could make her come back to me.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. You're safe. You're home and you're saf…"

"DON'T TOUCH ME. LET ME GO! She cut me of. She tried to rip her hand away from mine and when I realized that it was me holding her down that contributed to her panicked state I let her go. She flew of the bed and in beside the closet. There was a little space between the closet and the wall where there was some hangers for cardigans and to-go-to hoodies. Even if my life depended on it I wouldn't be able to fit in there. But Rose was so small that she could fit if she curled up into a ball. Her whole body was shaking and her eyes were closed.

"Please Roza, what can I do" I asked

"Light" she murmured.

I felt so stupid. Of course it was hard for her because of the light. It was on of the things she had constantly complained about since coming here.

I turned on the light and Rose changed instantly. She moved her hands from her face and lokked around the room with big eyes. She slowly creeped out from behind the closet on all four and just watched me, as if I had suddenly growed a third head. Just as the day she come back to me I didn't have the time to react before she was on me, holding my hand in hers. Just like that day, she just studied it, turning it slowly in her hands like the answers to all her questions was hidden under my skin.

"Just hold me, please" She breathed out.

So I did the most natural thing. I let my arms circle her and held her close to my chest, protecting her from the world the best I could. I meant what I had said to her yesterday. I would wait forever if that was what it took for her to me. And I would love her, with all of my heart and spend eternity proving it to her. It would be worth every second just to get to hold her like this. The only time I felt truly complete was with my arms around her tiny body.

-(-)-

I think we fell asleep on the floor. Because when I woke up I was laying on my side with Rose in my arms. She was still asleep, nuzzling into my chest. The sun shone warmly on my back and that must have been what had woken me. I shielded Rose from the light so at least she could sleep a little while more. I slowly got up, carrying Rose bridal style to the bed and putting her down.

My plan was to lay her under the v´covers and tp make breakfast in bed for her. Just like I had done three years ago on our mornings off. It had been our little routine. Having breakfast in bed, just cuddling until it was time for lunch. Lissa and Christian knew about this so we often had the netire mornings to our self. I could only hope that they would remember that and let me complete my plan for today

Said plan wold have been perfect if it wasn't for the fact that I was interrupted. Not by Lissa, Christian or any other guardian. I was interrupted By Rose who woke up the second I released her from my arms onto the bed.

She looked frightened for a second until she saw the light, me and the bed she was laying on.

"Morning" I said watching her from above.

"Hi" she replied and clutched my hand.

"I'm just going to make breakfast okay? I'll be right back, I promise"

"I'll come with you" She whispered and followed me close.

I used to make breakfast all by myself since Rose not was a morning person and preferred to stay in bed while I cooked. I remembered that she had trouble swallowing yesterday, not that I knew why but I figured that I would make something light that wouldn't be so harsh on her stomach. She had gotten some pills from the doctors to help her with her vitamin and other stuff so though that if I just cooked ordinary healthy meals it would be fine.

The only thing fluid I could think of that wasn't plain yoghurt or milk was a smoothie. It was easy to do too. I just mixed some fruit in a mixer, poured it into a bowl with some cut banana on top. While I walked around in the kitchen, how much you could now walk around when everything was two steps away from the other, Rose followed me. Always making sure that some part of us were touching. Either her hand on my back, my hand on her shoulder or simply holding hands together.

I placed the bowl in front of her on the kitchen island, which also worked as our only kitchen table and watched her take her first tentative bite. She chewed on it for a minute before swallowing. The motion looked strange and caused a grimace come forth on her face. But she took another bite, and another, and another. After a while she swallowed normally again. Although it was with very small amounts each time, she managed to empty the bowl. I had just made a coffee for myself so while she ate I sipped my hot drink, letting my brain get used to being awake.

"So have you though anything about what the doctor said?"

The doctor had left some instructions for Rose on what she should do while she was at home, guidelines on how she could get better. The one I had referred to was that the doctor thought it would be a good idea from Rose to leave the apartment at least five minutes a day. At least stand outside the door if that was all she could do.

"I was thinking of standing outside the door, like she said. But I don't know. Maybe after lunch, if I can. I don't…"

"It's okay Rose you don't have to" I cut her off.

-(-)-

That's how we spend the next few hours. Talking, sometimes about memories sometimes about random things. Like if Rose wanted to wear heels or flats. But never about what happened under the last years. Never about what she had missed her or what she had experienced. Never about how I felt when she was gone or what was going the happen next. I didn't want to push her, when she was ready she would talk. She trusted me enough for that, and if she didn't speak to me she would talk to Lissa or someone else. It didn't matter who it was, the important was that she would open up.

We ended up on the couch, her head in my lap while I read a western. We had spent many days like this. Relaxing, enjoying the feeling of doing nothing in between hectic work days. I wasn't sure if she was awake but I didn't care. I just tried to memorize the feeling of her body close to mine.

"I think I'm ready Dimitri"

I knew instantly what she was talking about, so when she rose from the couch I followed with her hand in mine. Once we stood up we stilled for a couple of second before moving forward. I let her set the pace, wanting her to be comfortable with everything that was happening. Eventually we made it to the front door. I knew that since it was daylight outside, close to nobody would be outside except for a few guardians on patrol. Hopefully everyone would ignore us and let us be, I hoped that would be the case, for Rose's sake. But of course luck wasn't on my side today. Not one of my plans would apparently work out today. I should have learned that hen Rose woke up.

When Rose opened the door and took a tentative step outside the sun blinded her for a moment so she had to shield her eyes with her hands. When she noticed that I hadn't followed her out she quickly gripped my arm and yanked me outside. With the door still open we just stood there watching over the corridor. To our right were Lissa's and Christian's apartment and to our left were doors to other apartment belonging to other guardians and some royal morois.

Right ahead of us were big windows which covered half of the wall all along the corridor. On the other side of the thick bullet proof glass you could see a quad with a fountain in the middle. And no, there was no statue of Lissa in the middle of it. Lissa was far too selfless to do that. Instead there were a faceless guardian with a stake in hand and a guardian unifrom. You could still see a nose and cheekbones on the statue but lips, eyes and eyebrows were removed. It had shoulder length hair which could refer to a man and woman and if you were to wold in a circle around it, it would sometime have the body shape of a man and sometimes a woman. If we had been anywhere closer we would have been able to read the small sign at its feet's.

"In memory of the 14 guardians that were killed or turned in the battle of St. Vladimir's Academy"

I'd been so caught up in staring at the statue that I didn't notice Dorothea walking up to us on our right. If I had I would have signalled to her to go away before Rose had the chance to see her but as I stated before, luck was not on my side today.

"Hi Rose! I just wanted to say welcome back. I hope you're feeling…"

By that time Rose had started breathing heavily and I'm pretty sure my blood circulation had been cut off to my hand. She backed away from Dorothea, who simply looked lost and didn't know how to handle this new situation.

"Rose it is okay. It's okay. It's just Dorothea. You remember her right? She's just Lissa's guardian. She's not going to hurt you or take you back. "

Dorothea had already started to walk away. By then she probably realized that her presence was just making thing worse for Rose.

I grabbed Rose by the arm and pulled her inside. At that point Rose was crouched and hyperventilating, mumbling to herself.

"Rose, please tell me what to do. Let me help you!"

"Au moins je vais mourir heureux. NO! I can't! It's too much, too much, too much"

She just kept murmuring to herself. No matter what I said I couldn't bring her out of her shell. I didn't know what to do. So in my panicked state I did the only thing I could think of. I called Lissa.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Hi Dimitri! How…" She didn't have the time to say anything else before I cut her off.

"I don't have the time to explain Lissa. I need you to come to our apartment and bring a sedative or something. Rose is having a panic attack and needs to calm down. "

I didn't let her reply before I hung up and took Rose into my arms. This time it didn't help and it didn't calm her down.

-(-)-

Five minutes later Lissa burst through the door with a nurse and Christian behind her. Rose and I were still laying together on the floor.

It didn't take the nurse long to give Rose the sedative. A few seconds later she stilled in my arms, and I broke.

Heart wrecking sobs ripped through my body. I hadn't cried for three years. I didn't really cry when Rose was kidnapped. I didn't really cry at her funeral. I hadn't really mourned her. But now I cried. I cried like a new-born baby. I cried because I couldn't help her. Because I had no idea of how I could get her to come back to me.

I was vaguely aware of someone, probably Christian, taking Rose from my arms and someone, probably Lissa, hugging me.

It didn't help. I still felt helpless.

* * *

 **I meant to post this on Saturday but I think that you didn't get it? At least I didn't get a confirmation e-mail that it was published and I didn't notice this until today. Sorry if I confuse anyone. If you don't understand, review and I'll try to explain better. Sorry again, at least it's up now!**

 **IMPORTANT: The chapter after the next one or the one after that will probably have a huge time skip in it. If there is any scenes you would like to see before then please let me know. If there is anything you would like Rose to do or see, leave a review and I'll try to include it.**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	10. Barely managing

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 10: Barely managing

 _Present_

RPOV

I woke up feeling rested. My body felt stiff, like I'd been asleep in the wrong position for hours. I heard someone talking to each other. Probably in the kitchen. Their voices were hushed so I couldn't hear what they were saying. It was probably for the best. I would probably not like it. My eyes fluttered open and I enjoyed the bright light hitting my eyes form above and not from a door I'm not allowed to go through. I enjoyed the feeling of a soft bed underneath me instead of a hard metal table. And most of all I enjoyed the ability to move however I wanted to. To be able to turn around, lay on my back, my stomach or my side. Whatever my brain could come up with. I creeped out of bed, still dressed in Dimitris old T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and peeked out from the bedroom.

On the couch were Dimitri and Lissa. No Christian in sight. I guess some of my guardian training was still intact because they had yet to spot me. Lissa had one arm around Dimitris shoulder and his head rested in the crook of her neck. To someone else this would look like a lovely couple cuddled up on the couch but I knew better.

"I just don't know what to do. I never thought things would turn out this way" Dimitri sighed.

Of course he didn't. I was Rose Hathaway. Rose Belikova I mean. I was supposed to be strong, a leader. Someone to follow. Who would have ever thought that I was going to break?

"Just give her some time Dimitri. She will come back to us. We just have to help her on the way"

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and the floorboard creaked under me. Dimitri's and Lissa's heads shoot up and I was met with two pair of surprised eyes.

"Sorry" I said. I don't even know what I apologized for, everything I guess.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for Rose, I should apologize. You wasn't supposed to hear that. I thought you were asleep. I'm sorry.

In the middle of his charade he got up and strided over to me. First when he put his arms around me I could feel truly safe. Just these past few days I've realized how much physical contact can mean. It assures you that you're still in reality and that someone is caring for you.

Suddenly I'm not in my own body anymore. I'm in Lissa's head. When I was away it became so natural for me to go inside her head whenever I could. It was far easier to live someone else's life when yours was a plain hell. Lissa's life had been miserable too, but at least there I could see them. It had been hard not being able to be there and comfort them when they "mourned" me. Dimitri especially. I hated to see how his guardian mask constantly was in place.

I was deep in Lissa's thoughts and mind when I heard a gasp. I peeked over Dimitri's shoulder and into Lisa's wide open eyes. Through the bond I could feel her confusion.

"How…I…I can feel…You" She stuttered out.

"I think they gave me something to block the bond when I was away. I could feel you but you couldn't feel me. I guess it has worn off by now. It was pretty strong." I responded.

"Like a charm?" Dimitri asked.

"Something like that"

After that I hid my head in Dimitri's chest. He tightened his arms and I breathed in and out trying to calm my body. All these feelings and impressions under the last days has taken its toll on me. From being trapped inside a room for two years to trying to live as the girl before all this happened wasn't so easy.

"Well I should get going. I have some… stuff to take care of, you know, queen stuff" Lissa said, not being so subtle in her intentions. But I was grateful. I wasn't so sure that I could handle both Lissa and Dimitri walking on eggshells around me.

After she was out the door Dimitri led me back into the bedroom, not bothering to turn off the light. He probably thought about last night.

We laid down on the bed, facing each other. Our noses almost touched. This was probably one of the few times that we were at the same height. We could look straight into one another's eyes without me looking up and him looking down. It was nice.

"Aren't you going to ask what happened while I was… away?" I wondered. If the roles were reversed I would have asked a long time ago. But this was Dimitri we were talking about, he was well known for his self-control.

"No. I was hoping that you would tell me when you were ready" He answered. Typical Dimitri. It was a mystery why I had even asked in the first place.

I didn't know If I would ever be ready to tell him the whole story, but I could at least give him a part of it.

"I think you probably have figured out what they did to my body, but they didn't do anything more than…drink." I said. My voice wasn't higher than a whisper but he heard me. He nodded and I saw relief pass in his eyes before he covered it up. I knew he was afraid that they had done more to me than bite and I was glad I could at least reassure him of that. I wasn't so sure about the other parts though.

"It was just when they couldn't find any...food. He...He allowed them to use me. Sometimes when I did something bad in his opinion, like waking up to early he would allow them to drink. A lot. And then they didn't feed from me for a few weeks so that I would get withdrawal symptoms, my whole body would shake and I would even beg for them to bite me. They would just stand there and laugh at me." I knew he wouldn't understand everything I had told him but it was better than nothing. I wasn't ready to tell everything right now. He would have to wait, and I knew he would.

The worst part with the biting had been the humiliation. That they had the power over me to do as they wished and I couldn't say no. Correction: I could say no but they wouldn't listen. When I was laying on the floor, begging for just a little bite, they would just laugh and leave the room. Everyone except one.

Zeke.

Without him I would probably be shell of the bleak copy of my former self I am today. Without his superior knowing he would sneak in to my cell/room and sit with me. We didn't talk or try to make the other one feel better but it was enough for us. He was also the one with medical education, so basically he kept me alive during those three years. I think that in some way he still held on to his humanity the same way Dimitri had held on to our love when he was strigoi. Maybe he just longed for his former life or for a lover and friend. Any way we were trapped, both in our own ways. Me in that room and he in his mind. I know that when I tell people many will think that it is some form of Stockholm's syndrome but that wasn't the case. He wasn't the kidnapper and I wasn't the victim. We were both prisoners in that house.

There wasn't anything affectionate going on between us. Nothing could replace Dimitri for me and he wasn't interested. We were just seeking comfort in each other's presence.

If it was anything that I Would miss from that house, how weird that now sounds, it would be him. But nothing else, absolutely nothing else.

-(-)-

A week passed like this. I didn't leave the house, nor did I try. Dimitri didn't push and I didn't bring it up. Lissa and Christian came by a couple of times but no one else. For that I was glad, I wasn't sure that I could handle someone else, especially not a stranger. But luck wasn't on my side.

The news on my return spread like a wildfire, not just around court but all around the vampire world. Soon enough Dimitri's phone was ringing non-stop. Our friend and family was constantly trying to reach us and arrange a meeting.

After a week, I had had enough. Every time someone would call or text I'd jump up and start to panic before I realized that it was just the phone. I figured that if they just came in small group spread out over some time I could manage without freaking out.

-(-)-

My mom and dad went first. They would come over an hour and dine with us. Us being Dimitri and me. I was already sweating and dreading the meeting. And it was one hour left!

45 minutes. It wasn't really my parents that scared me. It was the fact that in my mind they could disappear any second that frightened me. I panicked over the fact that I could wake up in the room again.

30 minutes. I could do this. They're just my parents. Nothing could go wrong, right?

15 minutes. Just breathe. In, out, in, out.

Knock, knock.

I had been sitting in Dimitri's lap all day, mentally preparing myself for this moment. He carefully put me down on the couch and walked up the door to let my parents in.

I heard the door open and close. Dimitri probably talked to my parents about the do's and don'ts when it came to me.

The door opened again and Dimitri was first in. A few seconds later my mom came in and at last my dad. They both froze in the hallway while Dimitri came over to sit with me on the couch. My hand automatically reach for Dimitris and gripped it hard. I'm pretty sure I stopped the blood flow in his fingers but he didn't let go.

"Rose…I…I can't believe you're back" My mom stuttered out. I don't think that I'd even seen her cry, but there is always a first of everything. My dad didn't do much better.

"Little girl…"

And because I needed physical proof of the fact that they were there I stood up and walked over to them. They both looked at each other and then at Dimitri, needing guidance on what to do next. I decided to help them a little on the way.

"Can I touch your hands?" I asked and they did as I asked. Confusion clearly written on their faces.

I understood that not many could understand my fascination with hands. But to me it meant everything in the world to be able to touch someone else's hands. When I was in that house I used to fantasize about coming home. About how I would run into Dimitris arms, hug my friends and cry of relief in my parents embrace. While I was awake I could picture these scenes perfectly in my head but I couldn't control my dreams, or rather nightmares. One particular dream would forever be burned into my memory.

It was very similar the homecoming I had actually experienced but it did have another outcome. When Dimitri would run into the room at the hospital he wouldn't freeze, he would run straight over to me, reaching out for my hand in the process. But he never made it. I would always wake up right before he could reach me. Most of the nightmares had that outcome. We would see each other and then I would wake up. Either by myself or by someone shaking me. It was other people than Dimitri who tried to reach me too. Lissa, Adrian, Victoria and even Stan one time. But mostly it was Dimitri and Lissa.

So if had the ability to touch other people's hands, it gave me a reassurance that I was in reality and not in the land of dreamers. Sometimes I had wondered why they didn't try to reach me in a spirit dream. But I figured that they that that I was dead and that the earth charm blocked them.

Those who kept me paid a moroi to make earth charms that would block Lissa from feeling me and I guess that it made it impossible to dream walk me too. It probably just cut me off from anyone trying to reach me mentally. I don't know who it was who made the charm. Once that he came by once a month delivering a package of bottled mantel blockers. People would do anything if you just paid them enough money.

Under the first months of living in the house I pleaded with the moroi that he would help me escape. Or at least contact someone who could have gotten me out of there. He would always come in alone and dump the package in a corner. He just ignored me and left. My captured probably did it to mess with my head once again. To give me a spark of hope only to take it away a second later. After what I think was a couple of months I stopped asking. It hurt too much to believe.

I understood that it wasn't enough for my parents to just hold my hands so I let them hug me, even if it made it hard to breath.

-(-)-

That's pretty mush how the next couple of weeks looked. I managed to meet all my friends and family even if they were in small groups and not freak out to much about it. It was easier with Dimitri's family. Because of the fact that we were separated by a big ocean and hundreds of thousand kilometres of landmasses they couldn't be here right away. Therefor a video call was our only option. It was easier for me and it gave me a feeling of control.

I'd had a couple of panic attacks. There was no escaping those. The most recent being a couple of days ago when Adrian and Sydney came for their first visit. Adrian had called me "Little dhampir" and my mind instantly connected his word to what the strigoi that captured me said. It caused a panic attack so severe that they had to use a sedative on me. But other than that time and when I first tried to leave the house they didn't have to sedate me. It only required Dimitri and a bit of coaxing to get me back.

But I'm managing. It's getting better for every day. Dimitri's helping a lot. I'm trying to take one day at a time, it makes it easier to not focus on the future and what I could possible never have.

I have therapy sessions twice a week now. Often it's Dimitri who accompanies me there but Lissa comes when she can. We even had a group session once. With me, Dimitri, Lissa and Christian. It's mostly talk about safe zones and safe words to use when I feel that it gets too much or need to get to a place where I can relax. It feels good to be able to talk to someone that won't judge me and that I could talk freely to.

I knew I had that with Dimitri but it just wasn't the same with what he felt for me. I didn't say that he didn't help because he helped a lot, but it was nice talking to someone that was neutral on the subject. Someone who didn't know who I was before everything happened. Someone I could have a clean slate with.

The therapist also recommended starting a journal. To write down feeling and even to be able to let go of them. To make my mind relax and start focusing on the future. So the other day Lissa bough me a journal from a court shop. It was dark, plain and simple. Just like I wanted it to be.

Otherwise not much happened. I tried to get back to a somehow normal life and it felt pretty good. I was nowhere near ready to be out on the field again or even guard a council meeting but I was on my way back.

Just taking one day at the time.

* * *

 **AN: Okay so I realize how much this sound like it's the last chapter but I promise you it's not. I have at least 10 more chapters planned out. They may not be written down but they are planned and will soon be put into words.**

 **So what do you think about this chapter? Was it good? What about Zeke, any thoughts about him? I needed to speed up the pace a little so this chapter may seem a little bit all over the place but I hope most of it will work out in the end.**

 **Next chapter will include a little bigger time jump so be prepared!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	11. Journaling

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 11: Journaling

 _Present_

RPOV

 **November 11**

I made breakfast today. Nothing big. Just some sandwiches. I wouldn't dare to do anything harder than that with the risk of burning the kitchen down. And I think that you're now wondering: why did Rose Hathaway, ehh Belikova completely on her own make an actually edible breakfast? To answer your question. Dimitri actually slept in today. And I woke up before him. For like the first time ever. So I made breakfast in bed for him.

 **November 15**

I stepped out of the house. Only for five minutes. And I was curled up in a little ball and Dimitri held me the entire time. But I went outside, for a whole of 5 minutes. I'm going to try to go outside for at least 5 minutes a day now. I feel like I'm ready. At least for 5 minutes day.

 **November 30**

There was an attack on court today. I hid in the closet. The alarms caused a panic attack to erupt and I was way too afraid to locate the nearest safe zone the court had. So I spend one hour in the closet before Dimitri could come back and ease me out of there.

Dimitri has started doing guardian shifts again. Now that I can somewhat be on my own for a couple of hours he has taken shorter shifts during the day, and then I mean during the part of the day that includes sunlight. If he's out during the night (when the sun isn't out, thus the moroi day) I can't relax until he's home and safe.

Basically we're on a human schedule. We sleep while the moroi's awake and we're awake when they sleep. Which is really helpful because then I can sit outside the door and not have to worry about every person turning their heads twice to look at me. I can go out whenever I want to.

The shifts on Dimitri's parts wasn't for the need of money. As royal guards Dimitri and I had been paid a little better than most guardians. So we had some saving to take from. It didn't mean that we were financially independent, but we lived somewhat comfortable lives. And even if we hadn't had the saving neither Lissa nor Abe would have hesitated to give us some of theirs.

Dimitris shifts had been recommended by my therapist. Up until that point Dimitri had been with me every second of the day. She thought that if I would ever be able to handle myself again I should at least try to be on my own. We had started out light. Dimitri would do the grocery shopping (the stuff Lissa had bought when I first came back had finely been used up) and be gone for twenty minutes and then come back. After a while he would do longer trips and eventually he started taking shifts. It'd nice knowing that I can be on my own without any one hovering above me.

 **December 10**

Good news and bad news today. Good news is that for the last 9 days I've been able to go outside for at least 20 minutes! Sometimes even twice a day. My record is 35 minutes. I would have held out for longer if a moroi didn't suddenly decide that is was time for a little night walk.

Bad news. I had a fight with Dimitri. Not an "I break up with you" kind of fight, more like a "Why can't you understand me, please see my side of the story too" kind of fight.

I thought that he hovered too much. He thought that he cared. I yelled a little bit. He actually yelled back. I think we actually kept the fight going for a good 10 minutes before it became too much. I had to use a safe word, so we backed away from each other. The apartment was probably dead silent for 15 minutes before I caved and walked over to Dimitri. Long story short, we both cried and agreed to not fight over the fact that we love each other again. Because in the end, Dimitri loves me and he's only trying to take care of me, in his own way. Which includes a lot of hoovering and worrying on his part.

It's only recently that I've come to terms with the fact that Dimitri loves me. In the beginning I was convinced that he couldn't love the "new" me. But the more times that goes I realize how much more of my old self that is coming back. Old habits come back. I make jokes now, much to Adrian's and Christian's delight. Just simple things like wanting to take a morning run. But I'm not ready for that just yet.

The point is: I feel lovable again. And it's an amazing feeling.

That suddenly became a much deeper note than I intended to. But I'm not going to erase it. If whoever reading this doesn't feel fine with it, read something else. This is my words. Go borrow one of Dimitri's westerns.

 **December 25**

I love Christmas. I like giving and receiving presents. And I love the food. And all the family gatherings. And the food. Have I mentioned that I love the food?

It didn't become a long celebration with hours in front of the fire and a huge dinners that dragged on forever. That was still too much for me. But I managed to handle a few minutes with everyone to exchange presents. And then I mean everyone. Mon, dad, Lissa, Christian, Adrian, Sydney, Declan, Eddie and Mia. You name it.

About the food. I finally got my appetite back. Maybe not in the same amount as before but it's there. My stomach wouldn't physically be able to handle that much food in one go. After living on fluent nutrition injected directly in your body for three years it's a little wired to chew and swallow. But the love, longing and cravings for food is there, believe me. Dimitri has a good laugh every morning when my stomach rumbles.

 **December 28**

I'm starting to go out more and more. Of course this take place under the moroi night so I don't have to meet anyone. But I actually walk down the corridors and in to the little garden outside the apartment. It's really beautiful in the sun. The way the sun hits the drops of water coming from the fountain making small rainbows in the air.

I have to deal with Lissa's other guardians but they only nod at me when they see me. So I only nod back and watch them pass on their rounds.

 **January 7**

Another attack on court today. A small one but an attack nonetheless. This one caused unease to spread over court since it wasn't that long since the last attack occurred. No one knows what they want or if this was a planned attack on the strigoi's part. It's still very rare that they attack in groups. They only do that if they have a strong leader behind them. That is what causes everyone to worry. A big leader within the strigoi is never good.

 **January 12**

I am so grateful for having you back. I'm sure that everyone else is to but they had each other. Lissa had Christian, Sydney and Adrian had one another and they even had Declan. Even your parents had each other. I had no one. Life without you didn't have any meaning. I was just a dead man walking around fulfilling your last wish, protecting Lissa and Christian. Now that your back I can finally see colours again

You're so strong Roza. Not many people would have been able to endure what you did and live to tell the tale. I know that everything can't go back to exactly how it was before but I know some things. I'll never let you go. Never again will I see you get dragged away from me when I have to walk in the other direction. You're stuck with me now.

I should have searched harder for you and not just accept that you were dead when Lissa felt the bond break. After everything we have been through and after every miracle we have had I should have known better. For us there is always a way. We have defeated death together to come back. What can ever stand in our way?

My deepest regret in this life will be these lost year without you. In our world time is so precious and we need to saviour every moment of it. Three years could be a lifetime for a guardian. I can only hope that we get more than three years together now.

In any case, I just wanted to say that I love you. When you first came back you said that I couldn't love you. That I loved the girl from three years ago and my heart broke hearing those words. I will always love you, no matter how much time we spend apart. And I think you realize that the more time goes on the more you go back to your old self. To the girl you said I loved. But even if you don't believe me you need to believe that I can learn to love the new you too. I already do. And you can't stop me. You can't stop me from saying that you are beautiful or that I love you. Because I only tell the truth.

~Love, your Comrade

 **January 13**

You won't believe me if I told you how much I cried reading Dimitri's note. Just the fact that he took the time to write a note makes me so happy I can't even begin to describe it.

I took a morning run today, with Dimitri. My stamina is nowhere where it used to be but I'll get there. I have the urge to go to the gym but I don't think I'm ready yet. Maybe soon. My body is itching with the need to move around and do something. After so long time inside the apartment it seems almost claustrophobic without anyone to be with. Dimitri has taken more shifts now so that means more time alone. I have goon over to Lissa's just for a change. We have just hung out while she's doing her queen stuff. It's nice.

 **January 29**

I've changed to a moroi schedule now. Thus, I sleep in the day and I'm awake during the night. It was mostly for Dimitri. Between him working shifts and trying to stay awake while I was awake he didn't get much sleep. So I decided, on my own, that we both would change to a moroi schedule to make it easier for him with the shifts and it would force me to take another step on my way to recovery.

If I wanted to go out now I had to do it while the moroi was awake. Which would force me to interact with them.

Adrian have taken it upon himself to update me with the latest moroi gossip. The rumours about my return have a mostly died down. But I am still talked about. Mostly they talk about if I would ever come back or if the strigoi had actually managed to kill the famous Rose Belikova. After all, I had made quite a name for myself in the vampire world.

 **February 11**

I met the Belikovs today. All of them. And let me say that they were quite hectic. Not that I blame it for it. I know that if it some one of them would have been missing I would have been just as ecstatic.

The reunion consisted mostly of hugs, tears and "I miss you"s. But I think it was for the best that I waited to meet them. Because all that proximity and talk would only have given me a panic attack a few months ago.

 **February 26**

Another attack on court today. Lissa has made someone look in to the attacks, if there are any similarities between them and similar stuff. I don't exactly know what. So far nothing has been stolen. They have just come and gone. Which is really frustrating.

On a more positive note, I went outside today, with the moroi walking around. All of them stared but I just walked on. Some of them smiled and I actually smiled back. This doesn't mean I'm back to normal, because I can in no way be close to or hug a stranger but I can smile and that's something.

My stamina has improved a bit but I'm no were near being able to gain my full strength back. I haven't even gone to the gym yet. But I think I will go soon.

Things look good now. All my relationships with my friends and family look good. Lissa and I are somewhat back to normal, whatever that is. No more fights for Dimitri and me. And I regularly hang out with my parents. Even if it's just to watch a movie.

I really hope that I will be well before the summer because I would really like to go to the beach. Or just lay in the sun. Lissa is slowly but surely healing away my scars so maybe I can actually wear a bikini and not freak out about it.

Anyway, everything is fine and I'm sure I'll be back soon.

* * *

 **AN: So quite a time skip there. What do you think? Was it a good idea to do it with a journal?**

 **Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	12. A kiss

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 12: A kiss

 _Present_

RPOV

I feel the blood pumping through my veins. My breathing is erratic. My legs are burning and I love it. I love the feeling of freedom, of being able to go out on a run whenever I want to. These last months have been hard, but I've managed with the help from my friends. The panic attacks are there but they are a lot less frequent than in the beginning. Now it just takes someone talking to me for them to disappear.

The sound of my feet hitting the training track bring me back to the present. I notice how Dimitri is a couple of steps in front of me and I increase my tempo to catch up. That's one of the things I love about him. Even if he notices that I slow down or disappear in thoughts during training he doesn't slow down for me. He knows that I will catch up. Many other people wouldn't have done that for me. Some still treat me as a china doll, always afraid of me breaking. I had that. I hate being weak. That's why running is such a freedom to me. I can decide the pace, distant, music etc. Others can't make decisions for me.

We stop beside a bench and sit down. We've been running for at least half an hour so a break is well deserved. I lean back on the bench and throw my head back, looking up at the sky filled with stars. The moon is almost full so we can still see our surroundings pretty well. Now that the snow is gone it's harder to look around, but not impossible. Not for our dhampir eyes.

"I missed the stars" I suddenly blurt out.

Dimitris head snaps up and his eyes meet mine. I can see some stars reflecting in the chocolate brown there but what I don't see is him looking at me like I'm crazy. With so many things I could have missed while I was away, stars wouldn't be most people's priority but I missed them. Maybe it's more about what they represent. They represent a chance to look at the sky without anything between. They represent freedom.

I only saw the stars once while I was… away. I was moved a couple of times and one of those times they let me see the sky. Just like tonight it was filled with stars but it was a full moon then. I only saw them for a few seconds but it was a few of the best seconds of my life. I'm sure it was only used as another method of mental torture. Right there, handcuffed and ankles ties together, looking at the sky was a luxury. A luxury they gave me for a whole of five seconds before I was tossed inside a van.

I cried in the van afterwards. It didn't matter that they all laughed at me or told me I was week. I had already lost my self-dignity a long time ago back then.

"I miss the way they light up the ground, make the sky look more beautiful or reflect in a lake when it's clear" I clarify for him.

"I guess I never really thought about them that way. They have always been just stars for me. But you're right. They're beautiful. Especially with the full moon" He respond with a thoughtful look on his face.

I tell him what I thought about just a moment ago. How I only saw the stars once and what they represent to me. I've started to open up about what happened while I was away. Sometimes it's bigger thing and sometimes it's smaller things, like how boring darkness gets after just a few hours. Or how I missed the taste of ice cream. But he listens. To it all. No matter how big or how small. That's one of the things that I love about him. And I have told him so.

Imagine to surprise on Dimitris face when I said that I loved him for the first time since I came back. I wish I had had a camera. I don't really know why I didn't tell him sooner than I did but that didn't matter when I was his smile. One of those smiles he only smiled at me. A full smile, showing teeth, one that reach his eyes and seemed to spread out into his whole body.

"I love you" I say to him, taking his hand

"What brought that on" He asked questioningly, gripping my hand.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and replied "I don't know. I just thought that you should know". I smile when I feel him chuckle and I can imagine the smile on his face.

"Well in that case, I love you too"

-(-)-

The sun is just setting when Dimitri and I come back from our morning run. A few people had been up but most of court inhabitants and guests were still in their beds. Only a few of them stared but I was kind of used to it by now. As long as I didn't have to talk with them it was okay. At least not any stranger. My body had just started to accept Dorothea and it was barely. Only those who I knew before were truly safe from the panic attacks.

"Do you want to take the shower first?" Dimitri asked. We were still standing in the hallway and even with just the two of us and it was still cramped. It was a wonder we could have guests over. Not that we did very often. Big dinners were often held at Lissa's place.

"If you don't mind?"

"No, this isn't just for your sake. I'm just saving myself from having to listen to you complaining about your clothes sticking to your body"

I stick my tongue out and pretend to be annoyed but I can't hide the smile on my face. Dimitri shakes his head and pulls me in for a hug. We hug for a second before he kisses my hair and walks into the kissed. I walk into the bathroom, which you can access from the hallway. Our bathroom is like everything else in our "apartment", small. The shower/bathtub, toilet and basin nearly doesn't fit, but it works. And the white clinker brick makes the room feel a little bit bigger.

As I step under the shower spray I can't help but think about Dimitri. Actually I think about Dimitri most of the time but right now I think about the kiss earlier. I have done most of the reconnecting since I've come back. I've talked and been with my friends, parents and Dimitri. But I haven't kissed him. And he hasn't tried to kiss me either. But that was expected. Dimitri is a gentlemen in every sense of the world. Of course he doesn't hesitate to punch someone in the face if needed, though that only happens if the person deserves it. However you can't say the same about me.

My hands work on autopilot, rinsing out the shampoo and conditioner from my hair and washing away the sweat from my body

But I can't stop thinking about kissing him. Do I want to? Does he want it? Can I even do it? Will I panic? What if I don't?

I accidently knock over the shampoo bottle on my way to turn off the water. I can't use all of the warm water, I need to save at least 5 minutes for Dimitri. How he showers so fast will forever be a mystery to me. I need at least 15-20 minutes. And I only managed that once.

Once I'm out of the shower I dress in a bathrobe and quickly walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Dimitri doesn't look up from what he's doing in the kitchen, he knows that I don't feel comfortable with him looking at me. Lissa, Adrian and Sonya have been working on a way to heal away my scars but so far they haven't had any luck. So my body is still covered in crescent shaped bite marks, well not my face but everywhere else.

While I dress I continue to think about kissing him. It's like the thought has been burned into my mind and won't go away.

Once I'm done I walk out to the kitchen. The first thing I notice is the smell of bacon and my mouth instantly begins to water. I walk up behind Dimitri and wrap my arms around his waist.

"What are you making?" I ask.

"Scrambled eggs and bacon, I didn't have the energy for blini. Sorry"

"You're getting lazy" I tease, a smile on my face.

He tunes off the stove and puts the egg and bacon on two plates before turning around to face me, wrapping his arms around me.

"No, I'm not" He responds, trying to be serious but I can see the corner of his mouth twitching.

"I think you are" I say in a sing-song voice.

"No, I'm-"

I don't give myself the time to think about it before I press my lips to his. He freezes and at first I'm afraid that he will pull away but after a few seconds I feel his lips move against my own. And after another couple of second I feel his hand make its way to my neck and into my hair while the other hand makes its way to my waist, pulling me even closer.

The feeling of his lips against my own is so familiar yet so far way. It's been so long since we've kissed, but it's not like I could forget it. Many countless night on the metal table was spend dreaming about Kissing Dimitri, really just doing anything with Dimitri. But this is like riding a bicycle, once you learn you will never forget it, no matter how long it's been since you last tried it.

After a while the need to breath becomes bigger than the need to connect so we pull away, but I stay in his embrace. While our stamina is in perfect condition we still pant the seconds after, as this is not physical tiredness. It's emotional. This was such a big step on my way to recovery and we just crossed. Or rather, I just crossed it. My head rests in the crock of his neck while his chin is on the top of my head. We stay there for a couple of minutes, enjoying the moment. When we finally pull apart I'm met with a smile on his face. I'm sure that if I would look in a mirror right now, I would see a similar smile on mine.

"What brought that on?" he asks echoing his words from earlier, a smile still on his face.

"I don't know, I just wanted to do it. I love you" I say, repeating my answer.

"Well I love you too" He replies and then chuckles. "Do you still want breakfast or are you planning on standing there all day? Not that I mind but our breakfast is getting cold".

-(-)-

After breakfast we spend a couple of hours on the couch. Dimitri had some reports to fill out and I decided to just watch something on Netflix. Something ending up being a few episodes of Arrow. It's these things that are so precious to us. Our lives are so vulnerable. It's not a guarantee for us that we will live for another hour. The strigoi could attack at any second. And everyone is especially on edge since there has been so many attacks on court lately, small attacks though still deadly.

After 3 episodes and 2 doughnuts I hear Lissa calling me through the bond. Since Adrian and Sydney is visiting this today it was decided that we would all have a lunch together. And Lissa being who she is offered to hold the lunch at hers and Christians place. Or rather Christian offered to cook after some persuasion from his wife.

"Lissa says that the food is done" I inform Dimitri but my focus is still on the screen in front of me where they are discussing how to take down yet another bad guy.

"Okay, just let me finish these"

-(-)-

Five minutes later we're knocking at the door to the Dragomir-Ozera apartment. There was a big discussion whether or not Christian would take on the Dragomir name. Of course Lissa couldn't change her last name, she was only the second left in her line after all. But even I have to admit that Christian Dragomir doesn't sound so appealing. So they settled on Christian Ozera-Dragomir, which worked for both parts. They own a house to, further away from court though they prefer to skip the twenty minutes' drive every morning and only stays there during the week-ends.

We only have to wait a few seconds until Lissa opens the door for us. Which was right on time because a few royal moroi had just started staring a little to long for my liking.

"Rose!" She greets, always the enthusiastic one. I let go of Dimitris hand long enough to give Lissa a quick hug and touch her hand. I'm not yet comfortable with physical affection from someone other than Dimitri. I can handle Lissa hugging me but I draw the line after that. Of course I make sure to always touch everyone in the room before I sit down, especially their hands but that's another question.

"Hi Lissa!" I reply and we step into the apartment.

Dimitri, ever the gentlemen, takes my coat and hangs it up. I know it's only a ten seconds walk from our apartment to theirs but who knows where we will go after this and it's better to be prepared. Who am I kidding, I only brought it because I really don't want to go back and get it if we go somewhere else. Even though it's late March it's still pretty cold outside so a coat is definitely needed if we were to walk outside. As usual, Dimitri has his duster with him so we don't need to worry about him freezing.

"Sydney and Adrian isn't here yet, so we have to wait a few more minutes to eat" Lissa explains while leading us into the sitting area next to the dining table.

"It's fine" I say at the same time my stomach rumbles, indicating that it's not fine.

"Are you sure, it sounds like you're about to die in there" Christian shouts from the kitchen.

The scents coming from there makes my mouth water and I can't wait to sink my teeth into the chicken I believe he's making in there. Not that I would ever admit that he is an amazing chef but whatever he makes is always delicious.

"Well then you better hurry up, unless you want to deal with the corpse" I shout back.

Even though I haven't really hung out with Christian since I've come back I know that our usual bickering is a much better reassurance of my well-being than any hug or deep conversation could ever be.

I lean back into Dimitri on the couch but suddenly I'm not in my own head anymore.

Lissa is watching us on the couch but in her mind she's a couple of months back. At first I can't place her memory but I soon realize why. In this memory I'm passed out on the bed from whatever sedative they gave me. And to my horror my watch, or rather Lissa watched, how Dimitri falls down on his knees and starts crying. And it's not the silent type of crying. It's the body-wrecking-nose-running type of crying. The one that gives you a hiccup and lasts for at least half an hour. I feel how my own body goes rigid. No matter what happens I will never be comfortable with someone crying. Especially Dimitri. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him cry. One of them being on our wedding day.

"I just don't know what to do" Dimitri in Lissas memory says between the sobs that rack through his body.

I feel how Lissas body moves forward to crouch down and take Dimitri in his arms and I'm glad that someone could comfort him when I couldn't. Lissa holds him until he's passed out too. Although this is from exhaustion. When his sobs finally quiet down and I can focus on something else I can feel Lissas surprise. This was the first time she'd really seen him cry since I'd been kidnapped. Apparently he didn't even cry at my "funeral".

I'm brought out of Lissas mind by someone gently shaking my own body.

"Rose? Roza?"

My head snaps up and I'm met with Dimitri's worried chocolate brown eyes. I look around and notice that Sydney and Adrian has arrived with Declan and even Christian has come out from the kitchen to check on me. I must have been gone for some time. When I look at Lissa I can see that she knows exactly what I just saw but she doesn't comment on it, which I'm grateful for. But I don't like how they keep staring at me like I'm some zoo animal.

"Okay you can stop staring now, go and watch the hippos I think that they're over there" I say with a little smirk and point over at Christian and that seems to break some of the tension in the room.

At least Adrian and Christian get my joke and they laugh, while I only get a small smile from Sydney. Lissa just seems confused.

"Oh, but I though we already were looking at them" Christian replies which makes me start to laugh to.

Once they all see that I'm okay they all move over to the dining table, I guess they've just gotten used to all the weird stuff I've done by now. But Dimitri still need an "I'm okay" before we move over to join the others. He gives me a gently hand squeeze and I smile.

I couldn't have imagine this a few months back when I was strapped to a metal table with no way to escape. But I'm going to be doing everything I can to enjoy it while it lasts.

* * *

 **AN: I know that this is way overdue but I had no inspiration to write this chapter. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't write any words at all. And this is not my best work. I'm not so proud over it, but this is what I came up with. This is more of a filler chapter before the actual plot and ending starts so hopefully I'll have more inspiration for the next chapter.**

 **So what did you think about it? Would you like the hand thing explained? Let me know!**

Nothing important: Have any of you seen the After movie? I saw it last Saturday and I've read three of the books by now. If you haven't already seen/read it I would really recommend it!

 **Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	13. To where we fell in love

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 13: To where we fell in love

 _Present_

RPOV

Yet again I wake up screaming. My whole body is covered in sweat and the t-shirt clings to my body. Every night is like this. It doesn't matter how much I need to sleep. I always wake up in the middle of the night screaming from my nightmares. They're always the same too. It's always about me waking up strapped to the metal table and my return had only been another daydream, or nightmare depending on how you look at it.

I sit up panting, my hair is sticking to my forehead and it's too warm in the room. I'm not sure what's reality and what my imagination is. This is the problem with my dreams. I never know what's real and what's not. I good dream could be a nightmare and a bad dream could be reality. I never know. But then I see the light from the nightlight on the bedside table and I relax a bit. I relax even more when I feel Dimitris arm around my waist pulling me down to his chest. However, I only feel truly relaxed when I can feel his hand in mine.

To some people it might be weird, my fascination with hands, but to me it makes perfect sense. And if you think about it, is it really that weird? I mean physical touch is something we all desire and need. I reassures you about that someone is there for you and that you're not alone.

When I was kidnapped I used to dream, a lot. Sometimes it were the only thing keeping me going through a though a tuff day. Whenever I could control my dream it would end happily. I wound end up escaping and coming home to my family and friends. I wouldn't have any panic attacks or difficulty with talking to strangers. It would be just as it was before everything happened. But when I was sleeping and had no control, the nightmares would begin. They would start of just as my daydreams. I would escape and make it to court. Then I would end up in a room with a nurse or a doctor. Often it would be the infirmary but sometimes it would be Dimitris and my apartment. The setting didn't matter. What mattered was what happened next. Dimitri, Lissa, Christian or someone else would burst in, though it would mostly be Dimitri. Those nightmares hurt the most. They would run towards me and hold out their hands and I would reach out too. But always, right before they would reach me I would wake up or someone would shake me awake.

That's why I panicked in the infirmary on the day I actually escaped. I had thought that that was just another nightmare and that I didn't want to wake up in the dark room again. So that's why I had screamed at Dimitri to go away. But the more time that passed and I didn't wake up in the room the more I doubted that it was another dream. And that was why I had been so fascinated with their hands. Because if I could touch their hands that meant that I was still in reality and not in a nightmare. And that's still true till today. I find much more comfort in holding hands than in a hug.

Then there's the fact that these hands only meant well to me. The hands back then only wanted to hurt and damage me in every way possible. My friends and families hands are filled with love and concern whereas the others were filled with hate and anger.

After I can hold Dimitris hand I can finally fall asleep to the sound of him mumbling Russian nonsense in my ear.

-(-)-

The next time I wake up it's from Dimitri leaving the bed.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I say groggily, my hand waving in the air trying to keep him in bed, and failing miserably.

"Well someone needs to make something to eat before we go to the gym"

When he mentions the gym my whole body goes rigid and all the sleepiness disappears from my mind. Because today me and Dimitri are going to the gym. Like the actual gym. With other people. Somewhere that isn't my safe zone.

I have different areas that I feel safe in. Like our apartment, Lissa and Christians place, the infirmary to name a few. The gym is, safe to say, not one of them. But my therapist, and if I'm being completely honest myself too, thought it would be a good idea to put myself out there. So I decides that the gym would be a good place to start. Partly because it's a place I'm familiar with and partly because, hopefully, there will only dhampirs there. If I would go somewhere with moroi I would surely get judgemental looks and whispers behind my back. But the dhampirs will probably understand what I'm going through and not judge me about not recovering yet. Most moroi still believe in the old-fashioned ways and only want dhampirs to protect them and have no life of their own. They don't care what we think. Lissa is trying to change this but it's a slow process.

"You can still change your mind you know" Dimitri reminds me, probably for the hundredth time since I decided to go.

"I'm going, I need to" Otherwise I will be stuck like this forever.

-(-)-

Once outside the walk to the gym seems to go much faster than it ever has before. The big glass doors seems to taunt me as I come to a halt before them. If I go through them there is no turning back. Right now I can still turn around. I can still go back to the apartment, to my safe zone, and I know Dimitri won't judge me for it. But I have to do this. Otherwise I will judge myself for it. And if I don't go in there now I don't think I ever will.

So after taking a shaky breath I walk into the gym, Dimitris hand clutched in mine. I'm immediately hit with the smell of sweat. An all too familiar scent. Everywhere I look my eyes meet people working out, running on the treadmills or lifting weights. But as everyone look up to see who came in they all freeze in their movements. The whole world seems to come to a halt for a few seconds and then everything seems to start up again. It might have had something to do with the threatening look Dimitri shoots across the room to make them look away.

I'm not here to work out. My long sleeved sweater and jeans could tell you that. But Dimitri was. I was just here to follow him around and keep him company.

"Hey Belikov! Give me a hand?" Someone shouts from across the room. When I look over I can see Dorothea reaching up to grasp some training equipment's from the top shelf but she can't quite reach it, thus why she asked Dimitri. She probably wanted to ask him something else too, otherwise she would have asked someone else.

"Is it okay if I go over there for a sec? I can stay if you want." ¨

Of course he would. But I figured it was okay, at least I needed to try. I could always run over to him if it got too much. And it would only take like half a minute, right? I could last thirty seconds on my own. I had to.

"Sure, just hurry. Okay?"

"Promise" He says, and with a kiss to mu head and a squeeze of my hand he walks away.

I walked father to the wall in hopes to disappear. I didn't want to talk to anyone. However luck was not on my side today. Just a few seconds after Dimitri left a few guys came over to me. I tried to turn away. Signalling that I didn't want to talk but they weren't having it.

"Rose Hathaway?" One of them asked, actually it was Rose Belikova but I didn't bother to correct them.

"Yeah" I said, hoping that the short answer would make them understand that I didn't want to talk. But yet again, no luck for me.

"It's really amazing to meet you, you know. I always looked up to you in school" The second said, awe clear in his voice.

"Also what you and Belikov have done is amazing. Because of you I and my girlfriend finally dared to come out as a couple. She's a dhampir too and we thought that if you could do it we could too.

I was frozen for a second. Did I really inspire people that much? All I did was being myself. But no matter how big "fans" they were I didn't want to talk to them right now.

"Well it…"

I didn't get to finish what I started because suddenly all the lights shut off. I could still make out the shapes of the three men in front of me but I couldn't see any faces or colours. A human probably wouldn't be able to see a thing right now. My breathing picked up and my hand instinctively reached out, trying to find Dimitri. Logically I knew that he was on the other side of the room but I couldn't think logical right now. Right now I was panicking. And what happened next didn't help the slightest.

"Boohoo! I'm coming for you"

Somewhere my subconscious noticed that on the screens surrounding the room where badly drawn ghosts and somewhere in my mind I understood that this was I prank, a simple joke. But overall I didn't notice that. I only noticed the hands circling my arms. They probably wanted to calm me down but it had the opposite effect.

Instead of feeling reassured I felt trapped. The hands on my arms only reminded me off the hands holding me down to the metal table. Memories I didn't want to remember.

But unlike then I could now somewhat fight back. After all, these past few weeks' workouts and therapy sessions had not been for nothing.

So much to my admirers surprise I broke free of their grasp and ran in the direction I though Dimitri was. The problem as that when the lights went out people had started moving around and they were now blocking my way. And the more people I walked into the more my panic grew. Some of them tried to grab me, probably to keep me from falling but I backed away before they could touch me. Which only resulted in me walking into someone else. I didn't like people touching me. I could barely control myself as it was.

"Watch out, I'm coming"

Somewhere in the corner of my eye I could see someone dressed in a bedsheet foolishly walking around and doing a little dance. But I didn't care. All I could do was just backing away into a corner, trying to hide.

-(-)-

DPOV

My first thought when the lights went out was to find Rose. But when I started to move I only succeeded in walking into people whose shapes I could barely make out in the darkness. Suddenly all the screens all around the gym lit up, showing an animation of a Halloween like ghost floating around the screen. As soon as I saw that, I understood that this was a joke. Probably done by some of the newly graduates that though it was fun. Some of the worry fled my body with the realisation, there was no risk of a strigoi attack. But I still needed to find Rose before I could completely relax.

"Boohoo! I'm coming for you"

If I had needed any more proof of that this was a joke that was it. No one in their right mind would shout "Boohoo" if they were trying to attack someone. Well some people used battles cries as a way of attack, but that was another story.

My mind was running a thousand miles per second, because I had a fairly good idea of how those words would affect Rose. For someone who was recovering from being kidnapped, those words wasn't so reassuring.

"Watch out, I'm coming" Someone yelled from behind me and when I turned around I could see someone foolishly dancing around in a white bedsheet, pretending to be a ghost.

I turned in the opposite direction and franticly searched for Rose. All around me were people laughing at the ghost. Somewhere someone shouted something about it being the first of April and not Halloween. I froze in my step.

The first of April.

Of course the day Rose decided that she was ready to go to a public space it had to be the first of April. Our days in the apartment had started to blur together and I didn't even know which day of the week it was. For all I knew and cared it could be the twenty-second of July, or Christmas Eve. As I said, I didn't care. All that mattered was Roses recovery.

Suddenly all the laughing voices and my inner rambling about dates were cut off by a scream that made your toes curl and the hair on your neck stand up, and I knew exactly where it came from.

Rose.

Everyone fell silent. But of course no one came up with the idea of turning the lights on. The light from the screens gave the room a little more light so now I could see some faces around the room. But it wasn't enough to see clearly.

"No! Don't touch me, let me go! Please don't take me back! Please. PLEASE! I'll be good, I'll stay on the table! PLEASE!"

Finally I was able to locate her in the room. I ran over to the corner where she was hiding and noticed several people standing around her, trapping her. To some it might look comforting and I'm sure that that was the idea they had but I only saw how Rose felt, and she felt trapped.

"Back away, she needs space. Back away" I shouted and they immediately took a few steps backwards.

"Rose you need to calm down. They're not here, no one will take you back" I said in a low voice, trying to sound soothing. Though, considering how quiet the gym was, my voice could probably be heard by everyone.

I tentatively reached my hand out. She had explained to me why touching everyone's hands were so calming to her so I thought that it would calm her down, but I was wrong.

The only thing I succeeded in was making her scream, again. AT first I didn't realize why but then I remembered her nightmares. The ones were she would wake up when someone reached out to her. I mentally slapped myself and reeked my brain after the right thing to say. What had her therapist said to do when she had a panic attack? I couldn't quite remember. Was this even a panic attack? I didn't know. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but she beat me to it.

"No, don't you get it? I'll wake up. I always wake up. And then he'll continue to play. He likes to play you know, do things to my mind and I can't do it, not anymore. And I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired of this cycle. It's always the same. Wake up, dream, playtime, dream, sleep, nightmare. Again, and again, and again, and again. And I miss you so much and I just wish you were here. Why aren't you here? You should be here. Why haven't you rescued me yet? I thought you would. I thought for so many months that you would. But then I stopped hoping because you never came. You should have come! He would always make me believe you came but it was never you. It was just my mind and he played with it. He played with it like some Rubik's cube, trying to find the right move to break me. He always tried different combinations. Like yellow there, green over there, blue all the way around. Je vais au moins mourir heureux, al menos moriré feliz. He taught me to say that, he was nice. It became our mantra. But then he would come in and destroy everything"

At the end of her rambling nothing made sense and I desperately needed a way to make her calm down. I couldn't process what she had said right now, even though every word about her hopes in me finding her broke my heart a little more. It didn't help matters that I was extremely pissed off at whoever that though that they had the right to play with her mind. I didn't remember exactly what her therapist had said to do in these situation but I had to try something.

"Rose I need you to lock around and tell me five things you can see"

When she didn't answer I pushed her a little with my toe and called her again.

"Roza, five things you can see.

She lifted her head and looked around. It probably took her a minute before she looked at me again. All the while she sat on her heels, arms around her knees and she was swaying back and forth.

"Black, floor, people, mat, you"

"Good, now four things you can hear"

"It doesn't matter. I'll just wake up back there and you'll be gone, everything will be…"

"Four things you can hear Roza" I cut her off. Not willing to let her start rambling again.

"People, treadmills, my heart, you"

"Exactly like that, now three things you can smell" I encouraged her.

"Sweat, blood, you"

It was only then, when she said blood, that I noticed the red claw marks on her upper arms. I'm not sure if she even noticed that she was hurting herself, she just needed something to do with her hands. I was conflicted here. I didn't want her to hurt herself but I didn't want to touch her and erase all the calmness she had just gained.

"Two things you can touch" I said, my voice shaking.

"Floor, you"

"One thing you love"

"You"

By now she was just sitting completely still on the gym floor, just looking ahead of her, not at anything specific. I reached for her and when she didn't flinch from my touch I pulled her to my chest and picked her up bridal style. I turned around and met the stares from everyone in the gym. I would probably bother me later, but I didn't care right now if they had heard Rose rambling and my attempt to calm her down afterwards. Right now I needed to get Rose to Lissa so she could heal Roses wounds.

I noticed some new people in the back. They must have come in when they heard Rose screams.

I calmly walked to the door, the crowd parting like prey in front of a predator. But before I reached the doors I stopped next to the guy holding the bedsheet in his arms. He probably took it off sometime when I was trying to calm Rose. I stopped next to him, not even looking him in the eye but looking at Rose in my arms. With my tall frame I easily towered over him and I'm sure I must have looked quite scary, being so pissed off as I was.

"Next time you decide to make a joke like that, make sure you know who's going to be in the room"

And with that I walked out of the gym, the big glass doors swinging shut behind me.

I didn't make it ten steps until the alarms, signalling a strigoi attack blasted around court.

* * *

AN: I hope you liked it! Did you understand the hand-thing or do I need to explain it further?

What do you think about the attack? I'll promise that it will come a big surprise in the next chapter, or maybe you have all figured it out. Anyway, it will have something to do with Zeke...

 **Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	14. Attack on court

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 14: Attack on court

 _Present_

DPOV

Not even five seconds after I hear the alarm all the guardians from the gym rushes out of the door and spreads out over court towards their positions. I rush towards the nearest bunker, built to protect from the strigoi. Rose still in my arms.

The small attacks on court have been worrying

As I turn around the corner I nearly run straight into Lissa. Luckily Christian caught her before she could fall down.

"What happened to her?" Lissa shouted over the still blaring sirens. Of course she had spotted the blood on Roses arms and forgotten about the fact that court was under attack. It simply was who she were, making her the perfect queen.

"No time to explain" I shouted back, at the same time as I thrusted Rose into Peters arms, one of Lissas guardian. "Take her and those two to the bunker next to the bunker next to the gym. It's not full yet".

Since I was the highest in command of Christian's guardian he listened to me. If you were to be technical Rose led Lissas guardians but since we were who we practically shared our positions with each other.

And with that I turned around and started sprinting towards the main doors of the guardian headquarters. It didn't take me more than one and a half minute to get there but it felt like an eternity for me. In battles every second was precious and could mean the difference between life and death.

Once the doors to headquarters were in my sight I spotted my group of 6 dhampirs under my command. We were what was called the "Take and Capture" squad. Or the "TC" squad as most guardians called it.

After Lissa became queen she started working on convincing the council of that we needed to start practicing offence and not just defence. After much debating and arguing the council agreed to attack on smaller strigoi nest as a way to start fighting back. It wasn't much, but at least it was a start.

Of course to attack the strigoi nest we needed to know where they were, hence why the TC saw the light of the day.

Our mission was basically to take and capture a strigoi during an attack if we weren't occupied elsewhere. Sometimes we had to help other guardians and couldn't capture a strigoi safely. This mission came with a few very important and strict rules, or rather one big rule we could not under any circumstances break. If we did the TC would be abandoned.

Rule number 1: 5 of the 7 dhampirs in the group has to be present during the capturing.

The council didn't deem it safe enough if there weren't five of us there. Often that rule was more of an obstacle than a help. There have been many times when four of us have been holding a strigoi down and it have been perfectly safe for all of us, but we've had to stake it since we weren't five.

"Have you heard anything about the attack?" I ask the others as soon as I meet them.

All of them shake their heads. "Not anything specific, though they seem to be coming from all directions.

If that were the case, it was just a matter of luck how successful our next move would be. It was best if we were able to find the biggest fight. It was always easier to find a lost strigoi in those. The leaders often send the young ones without experience or training in large groups, hoping to make up for the lack of skill with numbers. While the older and deadly ones sneaked in from the sides and back. So it was easier to capture strigoi from the bigger fights. The younger relayed too much on their new strength which with our years of training made it easy to take them down. After we captured them we just had to snap their necks and they would be out for a while. Hopefully long enough that we could move them and prepare for interrogation.

"We'll take a chance and move towards the gates and see who we meet" I instructed and then turned around to start running in the direction I had just mentioned.

But we didn't make it far before we met a group of four dhampirs fighting eight strigoi. Every guardian had to fight two strigoi each and that weren't good odds.

"Andrews, Johnson" I shouted over my shoulder, pointing at the fighting group, knowing that they would get what I was meaning. This was exactly what would decrease our numbers and make it impossible for us to capture a strigoi. We always tried to just let two of us help others but sometimes it was impossible. "Meat up at the gate"

They parted from the group just as I'd said while the rest of us continued running forward.

While we were moving we saw multiple fights but no one was outnumbered like the first one, and we couldn't stop for everyone. Only those who absolutely needed our help.

Finally we reach the gates, only to find no one.

Not a single soul.

Guess my intuition was wrong. And that had cost us very valuable time. I cursed under my breath.

"Let's move towards the west side" I command and our unit turns.

As we jog on Andrews and Johnson re-joins us but yet again we meet an outnumbered group. However this group is different, because this group includes Dorothea and I can't leave her.

No matter how emotionally distant I may have been during the years after Roses disappearance, Dorothea and I had formed some kind of friendship and I couldn't just let her die.

It might seem strange that I as their leader would leave them but in reality I wasn't their leader. Just on paper and for formalities. But it was often me who gave the orders since I was oldest and therefore had the most experience. I also knew first-hand how strigoi thought and acted. Which was crucial information in our mission.

I was lucky, one of the strigoi didn't see me coming behind his back. A quick thrust with my stake and she was done for. The next one I was faced with was I little bit trickier. But after a few kicks, punches and dodges he too was down. By now the group had managed to take down all the remaining strigoi but and I saw how Dorothea got an opening and stabbed it from the front.

"Do you know anything about the attack?" I asked as soon as the group had gathered. I must admit that I was breathing a little bit heavier by now.

"Not mush, the big group seems to be attacking from the west though" A guardian I didn't know the name of said.

Dorothea continued "We were ordered to spread out and take the older ones"

I looked over the group of six guardians, hoping that they would all be alive by the end of tonight. "Oka, I'm going west. God luck"

They nodded and we parted. I started running and on my way to the west side I managed to take down one more strigoi who had been alone. It was strange however, that I didn't meet any more. I'd met several strigoi while running with the TC. Usually there would be strigoi around every other corner. But I saw no one.

When I got to the west side I got my answer. A big group of strigoi, probably around 50 were fighting an equally big group of guardians but no strigoi were trying to escape the mass. Usually you would see a couple of strigoi trying to escape and get behind our backs but not this time. They were all coming at us from the front. But I didn't have time to dwell on that fact. The guardians in front of me needed my help.

I'd been hiding behind a corner but now I ran out and straight into the fright and almost had my neck snapped. If I hadn't ducked in the last second I would have been dead by now. That's how fragile our lives as guardians were.

Though half a minute later the strigoi was dead. Our lives were fragile but we were very skilled and we could handle the most.

I tried to find my group in the mess of people but it was impossible. People moved to fast for me to clearly see who they were.

The next couple of minutes were filled with fighting multiple strigoi and taking multiple hits to my head and stomach. Nothing I couldn't handle but that didn't mean that I didn't feel it.

Suddenly while I was pushing my stake into a strigoi's heart I understood why they didn't attack us from the back. This was a distraction. Their goal wasn't to attack and kill us. They just wanted to distract us long enough so that they could achieve something else. I didn't know what but I guessed that they wanted to take something and then leave.

Just as I'd come to the realization that they distracted us someone yelled to my left.

"Retreat. It's locked away. Unreachable"

After that all the strigoi moved as a synchronized unit towards the wards. They all turned as soon as the order was shouted and within ten seconds there was not a single strigoi in sight.

About half of the remaining guardians runs after. The other half runs in the opposite direction, towards headquarters and the bunkers. I was one of those in the later half. The sooner we could control the wards and officially say that the attack was over the sooner we could let the moroi out. The sooner we could let Rose out.

I was one of the first to arrive so I offered to be one of the people checking the ward route. Basically you run around the wards for fifteen minutes with a couple of others, checking if they would come back.

As soon as I started running I regretted the decision. It helped me calm down and clear my head but I didn't know what was going on at headquarters. I didn't know if there were any news or plans being made. And it was driving me insane. The only thing keeping me from running back and see what was going on was the knowledge of that they wouldn't let anyone out until we came back.

Fifteen minutes later we returned with no strigoi in sight. We all stood anxiously waiting for clearing about letting everybody out and checking who made it through the fight. In my case it was more of a waiting process until I could see Rose again. Somewhere in headquarters I spotted guardian Croft so he was safe too. But I couldn't see anyone from the TC group. I doubted that they all would have been killed but I thought that I would at least see some of them here. But on the other hand, the guardians outside the big doors the headquarters were a mess. Everyone speculated and wondered why the strigoi had suddenly pulled back. That wasn't a usual behaviour for them and neither was their plan of attack. And of course everybody wanted to let the moroi out of the bunkers

Finally croft came outside the doors.

"Okay everyone. In ten minutes the doors to the bunkers will open and if you have a moroi assigned to you, no matter if you're a primary or temporary guard, you are to escort said moroi to their rooms and then report you statues. If you know someone who didn't make it in the battle or who are missing you are to report that to. Then you are to await further instructions. Guardians on patrol or other assigned task are to report their status immediately and await further instructions. The same goes about reporting people missing. This message will be relayed over court so that the moroi will know what to do. Now do what you have been told to do"

The second after Croft was finished I turned on my heel and sprinted over to the bunker I knew Rose was in. I made it there first so I had to wait a few minutes until the doors would open. It came to the point of me almost ripped the doors open with my bare hands but I controlled myself and watched as the doors opened automatically on their own. By that time many more guardians had joined me since this was one of the biggest bunkers on court.

I threw myself in as soon as the doors had opened up enough and begun searching with immediate results. Right in the middle of the room were Lissa, Christian and Rose. All hurled up together.

All the guards that had been brought down to the bunker were gathered by the doors. Probably being informed of their instructions in this very moment. But I didn't care about that. All that mattered was to get to the only three people I really cared about in this room. I even umped over some of the moroi who were laying on the floor in order to get to them.

From what I could see Lissa and Chris were fine but Rose was laying under a blanket so I couldn't know for sure about her.

"How is she doing?" I asked gently turning Rose over so that I could examine her face.

"I healed the wound on her arms but she hasn't said a thing since we got here"

I nodded and then looked down to see if I could make any contact with her. She appeared to be sleeping but I knew better. This was her way of shutting the world out. I had found her many times in this position, trying to clear her thoughts and heal.

"Hey, Rose are you okay?"

No response.

"Roza…"

"Can we go home please" She cut me off while opening her eyes for me.

"Sure whatever you want"

After I picked Rose up I informed the others of what would happen next. When Lissa had been escorted to the bunker she had had two guardians with her so the six of us started walking towards Lissas and Chris's apartment. Many guardians had by this time escorted their moroi outside so on the way back to the doors I didn't have to jump over anyone laying on the floor.

But we didn't make it ten steps outside the bunker before someone called.

"Belikov"

Five heads turned at the sound of my name being called from a bit away. Internally I groaned. All I wanted to do was to relax at home and figuring out how bad of a hit the gym accident had been to Rose. If she hardly responded to me at all it had to be bad.

"What" I responded to the person calling my name, who I now saw was guardian Andrews, a guardian from the TC group. He was jogging towards us and didn't answer me until he was next to me.

"We got one, we need you to interrogate him"

I didn't want to but I knew it was necessary. It was an unspoken rule that we would interrogate them as soon as possible. Put them out of their misery as to say. And the sooner we got it done the sooner I could go home.

"Roza, I need to go for a while. Will you be okay with Lissa and Chris?"

Before I even had the chance to finish the sentence her eyes begun to water and she clutched my shirt, or rather my gym T-shirt since I hadn't had time to change my clothes since earlier.

"No please, I'll go with you. Just don't leave me. Please!"

I looked up at guardian Andrews. He knew I wouldn't leave without Rose but he didn't know if she had enough authorisation to witness the interrogation. In the end the need to have me there out powered the need to keep Rose from witnessing something she shouldn't.

"Sure, she might need to wait outside, you have to check with Hans first" I nodded and then looked down to see if Rose would agree with that. She was nodding frantically so I guess she was.

I turned to the others to relay the information.

"Can you guys make it back to the apartment on your own?"

"Yeah, you go. We'll meet up later"

With that I turned around and followed over to the prison where the interrogation would occur. Rose still in my arms.

-(-)-

RPOV

When we finally passed the doors to the prison there was a long set of stairs leading us down. The feeling of my body gently rocking back and forth while Dimitri was carrying me down the stairs was almost enough to make me fall asleep but I couldn't. I didn't want to know what would await me in my dreams and I didn't want to risk dreaming it. After all the stairs we came to a security desk where we had to identify our self but after that we were in the clear.

I closed my eyes but it only lasted a couple of seconds until Dimitri gently nudged my shoulder.

"Roza, is it okay if you wait outside? You'll be able to see me the entire time, okay?"

I realized that this was as good as it would get, at least I would be able to see him from here. I nodded and he gently put me down on a bench outside the meeting room, right beneath the window to look inside. From my position you could clearly see meeting and their lively discussion. But even in the middle of a heated argument Dimitri would look over at me and smile, making my whole body relax.

They were discussing the best way to approach the strigoi and how they would get the most information out of him. Every strigoi reacted differently to the interrogation and they needed backup plans if their original failed.

They were also discussing exactly what information they wanted from him. All this to make a united front which were more effective when it came to the actual interrogation. You kind of loose the respect the strigoi has for you when you start to discuss within the group which questions to ask right in from of him or her.

"Aaarghhh" Was suddenly heard in the corridor. It was very faint but my dhampir hearing picked it up. Though those in the meeting did not. It was too low for them. I considered looking for the source of the sound but at the same time I didn't want to leave Dimitri.

"What don't you understand? LET ME GO!"

That made up my mind. The voice sounded familiar and my curiosity got the better of me. I walked further down the corridor, following the sounds of the screams. I knew I was not supposed to be here but that hadn't stopped me three years ago and it certainly didn't stop me now.

After two turns I finally found the source of the sound. Behind one of the police like glasses, that allowed you to see in but no one to see out, I saw someone very familiar. Someone who had supported me for three years and had made me mentally strong enough to survive it.

Zeke.

He was strapped into a chair, chains at his legs and arms.

Without asking my rain for permission my hands opened the door and to my surprise it was unlocked. I stepped inside and he instantly stopped screaming. We stared at one another for a few seconds until the guardian in the room stepped between us.

"I'm sorry but you're not allowed to be in here"

He tried to push me outside but Zeke interrupted him.

"Roza"

Memories flashed before my eyes. Back then it had brought me so much comfort when he had called me that. It had reminded me of Dimitri and I had needed every bit of comfort I could get to keep me grounded.

That's why Dimitri calling me Roza had calmed me down when I first got back. Way back in time in that infirmary when I thought that I was dreaming, Dimitri calling me Roza had brought me the same kind of comfort that Zeke had brought me.

Often we would sit in complete silence, only our breaths would be heard in the room but when we talked we talked about anything and everything. Everything except the house and what would occur there. That had been our way out. Our way of not thinking about where we were. We wouldn't talk about our past either. It had hurt too much.

"Zeke"

We stared at one another for a few more seconds until the guardian decided to speak again.

"Do you know this guy?"

"Yeah I…"

But I was cut off by the door opening. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was. Dimitri. I could always feel when he was near. He probably saw that I had left my spot outside the window and came looking for me.

I relaxed when he came into the room but what he said next made me freeze.

"Ivan"

* * *

 **There you have him. The one and only Ivan Zeklos.**

 **What do you think, and what do you believe will happen next?**

 **(I had no time to read this before I posted it because it's really late and I really want to post it. So you are more than welcome to leave a review if you found something I spelled wrong etc.)**

Question: Do you know if there is a world spelled something like "agnolish"? I know that that it is spelled wrong but I don't know how to spell it right. At least that is kind of how you pronounce it. It means that when you are in a room with another person you make sure that he/she knows that you know that he/she is there. Like with a nod or something. That probably made no sense but if someone understood it can you please leave a review or pm me with the right spelling? Pretty please?

 **Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews!**

 **Critiques are welcome as well as your opinion! :)**

 **Have a nice day/night, wherever you are!**


	15. Restoration

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or any of its characters. Just having a bit of fun with the characters. I own nothing but the plot and the new characters

Warning: Spoilers for Vampire Academy and Bloodlines

Chapter 15: _Restoration_

 _Present_

RPOV

This very second my life turned upside down. Everything had been fine seconds ago. If you looked over the fact that court had been attacked and Rose had had a setback in her recovery, my life had finally ben on the right path and I had the love of my life by my side again. I had thought that nothing could have gone wrong. After everything we'd been through we surely deserved some peace.

Wrong.

I was so very, very wrong. The second I stepped inside that interrogation room the life I had built for myself crumbled. It didn't It was more as if cracks appeared in it. It took a complete one-eighty turn and I wasn't ready for it. I was thrown off the ride in that turn and it left without me. Left in something I didn't know how to handle properly.

Ivan.

I wasn't ready for this. I had already mourned and processed his death. Something Rose had helped tremendously with. I didn't know if I could do it again. It had taken Rose and a whole lot of stubbornness from her to break down the walls I had built around myself.

Because that was what was going on, right? We were going to kill him. It was what we did to all the strigoi we capture. No exceptions were made. But on the other hand. No one had ever had a personal relationship with a strigoi we had captured before. This was the first time.

I had come into this room looking for Rose but I had found so much more than her. The ground seems to move beneath me and I instinctively reach for Rose. I needed the comfort and support only she could provide me. I saw Ivan look between us and his eyes lit with realization. This must be quite a shock to him. Me having a relationship. When he had still been a moroi and…alive, I didn't have many girlfriends or lovers. Or even flings. I had been too focused on my duty to become a guardian.

"Wait, you are…" Ivan said.

"Yes," I replied and looked down at Rose. This must be such a shock to her. I hadn't shown her many photos of him. And the ones I did show was mostly from our childhood when we were around ten. After his supposed death I had tried to focus more on the happy memories with him and it was easier to think about the time when we were nine and broke his arm trying to pick an apple for a girl he liked than to think about the weeks after he was attacked.

Most of the pictures of him and me in our teens and early twenties are at the bottom of a box in Baia. The pictures on my nightstand and albums were of us as kids.

"Yeah, I guess I never told you my full name, huh. I'm Ivan Zeklos, how can I be of service?" He said with that confident tone all strigoi seemed to have. He didn't give her any time to answer him. He simply turned his head to me and said:

"It's really nice to see you and all and I'm happy that you found someone to share your life with but can you let me go now? We both know that you're not going to kill me and I'm not going to give you any information. Dimka, you of all people should know how stubborn I can be?"

That was true. If there was anyone who could rival Rose for her stubbornness it would be Ivan. Sometimes he would refuse things just for the sake of refusing and showing everyone how stubborn he could be.

"And as much fun as it was spending those hours in that room with you Roza I need to get back. He'll kill me if I don't, you know."

What?

How was this possible? As far as I knew there was no way that Rose and Ivan could know each other. There was absolutely no way. Ivan "died" long before I even met Rose. No matter how much I thought about it I couldn't understand. And I'm not going to lie. Hearing him call me Dimka brought back so many emotions and memories I thought I had forgotten and it made it hard for me to think properly.

"I…don't…I…" I couldn't even finish my sentence and honestly, I didn't even know how to. What did I even want to know? What did I want to ask him after all this time? All I knew was that Ivan and Rose, people I associated with two completely different lives somehow knew each other. And they both were standing right in front of me having a silent conversation. One of those I only though Rose and I could have.

"She didn't tell you?"

"She didn't tell me what?"

I didn't understand a thing right now. My head snapped between Rose and Ivan trying to solve this puzzle, however unsolvable it may seem. Did Rose keep something from me? I thought she had opened up and at least told me most of what had happened in that house. At least all the major things. And I didn't know how she felt but her knowing Ivan was a pretty big thing for me.

"Don't do this Zeke, not right now"

Zeke?

My mind was filled with questions right now. Zeke had to be short for Zeklos right? I didn't have any other explanation.

"Why not? You don't think that he deserves to know? Or do you want to keep me all to yourself?"

Ivan flirting with Rose didn't surprise me at all, what on the other hand did surprise me was Rose laughing at what he said. I didn't think that it was possible but my confusion grew.

I grabbed Roses hand harder and drew her with me outside to the corridor. I needed some answers and I needed them now. All the guardians who had followed me from the meeting now followed me out from the interrogation room. I imagined that they would be at least as confused as I was, if not more. They had no idea who Ivan was. To them, he was just another strigoi. No one special. They had no idea of the relationship between Ivan and me or Ivan and Rose. Not that I had any knowledge about the latter.

"What's going on Belikov? Do you know that strigoi in there?" Croft asked.

"Wait! Roza how do you know Ivan" I asked Rose. I couldn't stand not knowing for another second.

"I…I met him…there"

And with that my worst fear came true. Ivan had been one of those who had abducted Rose and done all of those things to her. Right now I didn't care that he had once been my best friend all I wanted to do right now was drive a stake through his heart for what he had done to Rose. I guess Rose saw my demeanor change because she quickly cut off my murderous train of thoughts.

"Not like that Dimitri! He helped me, he was the reason I made it out of there alive"

And just like that all of my anger dissipated and was replaced with gratitude. If that was true I owed him so much more than my life. If that was true he was the reason I had gotten Roza back.

"Belikov, who's in there?" Hans asked again.

I sighed and turned and turned to face all the questions that they had.

"That's Ivan Zeklos. My former charge in Russia"

I heard gasps all around me. The fact that Ivan had been my former charge and how he had died was no secret. Neither was the friendship that we had had.

"Then what do we do with him? Kill him?"

I had honestly thought about that. Because in reality, did we have a choice? It wasn't like we could keep him locked away in a cell forever. We had to kill him. No matter how much I wanted him to stay. It was an impossible situation.

"NO! We can't kill him" Rose exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Rose but you don't have any authority here. You…"

"He was with me under those three years. He knows things. He can give us information"

I understood that he had been a big support to her but we couldn't just not kill him and let him go. She had to understand that. No matter how hard it would be for both of us.

"Roza, he's stubborn. He won't give us…"

"We can turn him. Turn him into a moroi again. With spirit. We'll just ask Lissa, or Sonya or Adrian.

Could we do that? Could we make an exception for Ivan? The question was if we turned Ivan back didn't we have to turn all the other strigoi we captured back too? After all, everyone was someone's sister, uncle or cousin. I raised this question to the group. Pointing out what I wanted to do, which was pretty obvious.

"He has information about the attack Dimitri, he knows what they want"

That was valuable information. If we knew what they were after we could protect it and better defend ourselves. I looked over to the others to see what they thought. This wasn't a decision I could make on my own. Hans spoke up first.

"We need to hold a meeting about this"

-(-)-

RPOV

I was pacing back and forth in our living room. It was so small that I could only really take five steps before I had to turn around. But it didn't matter. It helped me keep calm. Anything involving movements helped me calm down. After being bound to that table for so long, movements helped me realize that I wasn't there anymore. And I needed that realization to keep calm now that Dimitri wasn't here to do it. Lissa and Christian were here too, sitting on the couch beside Sonya who was visiting court.

"So let me get this straight. The strigoi the TC took in was Ivan Zeklos. Dimitri's last charge. Who was also the strigoi who captured and kidnapped you for three years? Did I get it all? No, wait! We also have to turn him back into a moroi to get information out of him." Christian said. Pretty much sums it up.

"Yeah, that's about it" I replied, looking at the clock for probably the tenth time in the past five minutes.

Lissa sighed and got up from the couch, slowly moving towards me.

"Rose, he will be back soon. The meeting has been going on for two hours, they will be back soon, he will be back soon" AT the same time as she said that she put a hand on my shoulder. I was glad she didn't do more because I wasn't ready for that. All my friends and family let me set the pace. If I was ready for a hug I hugged them and if I only managed a nod they were fine with it. But I always made sure to touch their hands. There were no exceptions with that one.

Suddenly the door busted open and Adrian ran inside.

"What's this about Ivan Zeklos being a strigoi and will be turned back?"

I didn't have the energy to explain it all again so I let Lissa do the talking. I hope that Zeke… ehh Ivan would be turned back but I didn't know if it would happen. I had no idea what the outcome of this meeting would be. There had never been a planned turning back of a strigoi before. All the other times had either been planned in secret or a spur of the moment thing, like with Sonya. Going through with this would give us a lot of problems. If we did this, what stopped us from turning back more of the strigoi that the TC captured? My inner ramblings were cut off by the door opening once again.

"They'll do it. They'll turn him back. Or one of you will turn him back but they approved it. He'll come back" Dimitri panted. This was big for him. At least if you would go by how he was rambling a second ago.

"I'll get to do it, right?" Adrian said out of nowhere, making us all look at him. "I'll get to do it because Lissa turned Dimitri back and well Sonya's been strigoi so it's only natural right?"

He looked at us with a hopeful expression, his eyes shining like a kid on Christmas morning.

"I can't believe you get so excited over this, it's not a funny experience. It's serious!" I almost shouted at him. I had been waiting anxiously in this room for over two hours and I did not want to deal with Adrian right now. I was scared of the outcome of this meeting but for the first time in months, I wasn't scared for myself. I was scared for Dimitri. If those in the meeting decided that it was best to turn Ivan back Dimitri's whole world would be turned upside down. All those years he had spent processing Ivan's death would all have been for nothing. He would have to remember every emotion and every memory from that time and I didn't know if I had the mental capability to support him through it.

Our living room had turned into a mess. Everyone had started talking at the same time and everyone had stood up and tried to walk around. Our "living room" had been crowded before Adrian came in and with Dimitri, it was almost impossible to move around at all. This was the reason we always met up at Lissas when everyone was at court. This apartment was not built to house this many people.

But even though it was tight I managed to press through and make my way over to Dimitri. I didn't say anything because really, what could I possibly say? Instead, I wrapped my arms around him to try and comfort him in any way I could. He rested his chin on the top of my head and took a deep breath.

"They're doing it in an hour, they said that there was no time to waste. I was sent to get someone to do it"

"Adrian was willing. Though I think he just wants to brag about it afterward. To be the only sprit user to have turned back a strigoi on orders from court"

Dimitri scoffed "Of course he wants to" he muttered.

"How do you feel?" I asked him.

"I don't know, I don't even know if I want him to come back. That sounds really bad but I've made this life with you and everybody else and I don't know how he can fit into it. I want him back, of course, I do but I've moved on. I've spent years processing his death and with you by my side I was almost done with it. I don't know what to do and especially knowing that you two know each other"

That last part was more phrased like a question and I didn't blame him. I would be curious too if I was in his situation.

"We don't have time to talk about it right now but let's just say that he was the reason I made it out of there alive and not crazy"

I looked around and noticed that all the others had quieted down and were now looking at us.

"Well we don't have any time to waste so let's get moving"

-(-)-

We all made our way over to the prison, of course joined by Christians and Lissa's guards. Quite a few people looked at us, which was quite understandable since it wasn't every day that you saw the queen herself walk across court with all of her friends on their way to the prison.

After the long stairs and identity checks, we were finally outside the room in which Ivan was being held. During all the way here from our apartment Dimitri hadn't let go of my hand. He needed the wordless support just as much as me at this moment. After all, I kind of knew Ivan too. All those months in that room had not been for nothing.

Taking a deep breath I pushed the door open and stepped inside, everyone else following behind me.

"What are you going to do to me? Keep me locked away in here forever?" Ivan yelled as we came inside. Once he saw us though, he quieted down.

"Are you finally here to do something? Because I'm so bored right now. It was action back at the house and most of those days I didn't do a thing"

I flinched at his words, reminding me of all those days we had sat together and "not been doing a thing". I know he had enjoyed those days, at least most of them but in the end, he was a strigoi and he could only cling so much to his humanity. Or "moroiality".

"Nice to know that I mean so much," I said back and saw a little smirk play at the corner of his lips.

"Oh Roza, you know I enjoyed our little therapy sessions together. I told you that if I remember correctly"

It was Dimitri's turn to flinch when he called me Roza but instead of dwelling on it he gave out orders.

"Do it now Adrian"

There was only seriousness in his voice when he said that but somehow Adrian managed to reply in a jokingly manner which only caused Dimitri to become more irritated than he already was.

"No need to stress Belikov and I don't even have a…" He didn't have time to finish the question before Dimitri thrust a stake in his hand.

"If you think that this is some kind of a joke you are more than welcome to leave this room but otherwise I suggest that you start by charming that stake.

While Dimitri was busy talking to Adrian I walked up to Ivan and in one shift movement ripped his shirt of.

"Well if this is what you wanted all along all you had to do was ask" He winked at me and I couldn't help but chuckle. After all, this was how I had survived for three years. But when I turned around the chuckle died in my throat. All the others were staring at me like I was crazy, which I probably was since I was laughing together with a strigoi, which went against everything we had ever been taught.

"Just aim here and push really hard" I said and pointed at a place on Ivan's chest without actually touching him. After that, I walked back to Dimitri and took his hand. He looked down at me worryingly but I didn't meet his eyes. Instead, I looked at Adrian moving towards Ivan.

Where Dimitri and Sonya had struggled during their restoration, Ivan was completely calm and didn't even move a muscle.

I saw Adrian move his arm before we all were blinded by a strong white light.

* * *

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